Life and Death

Life and death are always connected. Like a day and a night. Like children and smiles. We are all born to travel into eternity one day. We cannot really miss this day when we have to close our eyes forever. But I do not take it as something tragic. Well, sure I cannot feel really happy when someone I love leaves me forever.I'm not so strong.  I just feel that it's not so forever. It's forever for our world. The world where everything has its end. But I believe in the World where the life will be like  an endless circle. And then nothing will be able to stop it. I am sure it is true. 

My day was filled with different feelings - sadness and true joy. We had to say a forever goodbye to our dear neighbour who passed away yesterday evening. It's really uneasy to feel happy about this goodbye...but what comforts me is that she is not feeling any pains any more. Now she is free of it. I really hope she will be happy there where she is now. I really wish her this. I hope I'll see her one day. She was a good person. 

I also had my reasons of real joy. I had a funny chat with a good friend of mine. I didn't actually expect I could laugh today. I felt really heavy after the morning sad news. But my friend managed to make me feel alive and full of joy. I do not know how he manages it. Maybe he possesses a sort of kind magic. No idea. What I can say is - I had a very lovely time talking to him about nothing. :)  

I'm grateful for God's mercy. I'm not so clever to understand His will and plans. I just know that everything happens the way it should even if I cannot really comprehend it. I'm grateful for being alive, for having some more chances to do something here. I'm grateful for my dear friend for making me feel happy today. I'm happy he is. I'm happy I've had my moment of joy. Life goes on. The sun is gone but it'll be back tomorrow by God's great kindness. 

A Piece of Sunshine from Brazil

This cold and grumpy January day I recieved a real ray of sunshine from my brother who lives in a sunny Brazil. I was really happy to open some little but wonderful presents carefully packed for me. I felt like a had my birthday again. :) It does make fun to open some secret gifts! Some of them will have to wait till summer but it doesn't make me sad. Not at all.  I'm looking forward to summer with more joy! :) 

I'm grateful to my dear friend and brother who always brightens up my day. I have never met him yet. Just online. But he treats me the way I always wanted my real brother did. I really hope I'll meet him one day. I really hope we'll hug each other and have our real joy. :)

I have realized some time ago that it doesn't matter how away your friends might be. If they are close to your heart, the real distance does not seem so important. I'm very lucky to have my brother in Brazil. I'm crazy enough to dream of visiting him and his family one day. Life will show me. Now I'm smiling when I look at the presents sent straight from his heart. Thank you so much, my dear brother! You have made my  cold and busy day really sunny...

Snowball explosion and a midnight telephone call

Today I have finally escaped from the cave of my daily routine. ;) I would not say I am suffering that much by staying at home during the winter time, but a little change of surrounding does make me feel better. It’s like stretching my wings. Or like a fresh handful of strawberries. :P

Although it was really foggy and damp outside, I felt more than determined to go out. After turning myself into a heavy cabbage (after putting on tons of clothes!), I finally was pushed outside with my mom’s support. We have finally realized that it’s possible for me to stay in my wheelchair while getting outside. It is weird we never came to this bright idea during my university years! Some wise thoughts come later…but as some wise people say “better late than never!”. Well, I got some positive emotions while being outside. I suddenly felt like holding a snowball, that seemed so hard and forever frozen…but it collapsed in my warm (hot?) arms within some seconds…it was like a real explosion! My face, my glasses, my coat and even the inner side of my sweater were covered with snow…I could not help but bursting into laughter…I am happy no one saw my crazy explosion. It was silly to hope that a piece of iced snow would stay solid in my "tender" arms…

Just as I was going to brush my teeth tonight I heard my mobile ringing. That was really strange. There are very few people who can call me day and night but even they do not do it just for fun. I was surprised to see the number of our neighbour. She’s really ill, fighting with cancer. No one knows if she can survive. I somehow want to hope she will.  She’s being really unwell, getting some painkillers. I could hardly recognize her voice…she was asking me to call the ambulance…then her daughter took the phone and apologized saying that her mom just confused the number…well, it might be she’s in her world after some injections…:( My heart is bleeding when I think of her. She was such an alive woman. I hate to feel myself so much helpless. And I hate to think that I or someone I love might one day be the same ill and helpless. I do not know. And maybe I’m happy not to know. But just to be happy now. Not later. Not when I might be (or not) rich or more intelligent.

I’m grateful for my winter stroll and tasting some snow in my mouth. I'm grateful to my dear friend I had  a chat today. He's really patient with me and my German skills!  I’m grateful for our neighbour. Her midnight call made me think of many things and feel myself fortunate. I hope I’ll show my love a bit better. Life is too short. We never know if we or someone we love will ever wake up and smile at us tomorrow. Sure, sometimes we’re sad or just annoyed. Sometimes we have the right to be in a bad mood. But maybe we should always remember of our last day. I don’t mean we should be always down or depressed. On the contrary. We should cherish what we have now. We should try to show our dear ones how much we care for them. It is not that they always need it (they, of course do!) but we need it first. We are created to love. Not to waste our life for little things of life that are not worth it. I know what I am writing now is easy to say but not that easy to do. But if someone of you who’s reading my post will today feel grateful for your new day of life, for your family, friends, boss, and tell someone “Let me make you a cup of tea”, I’ll feel myself even happier. Let’s try to share our warmth with people around. Who knows what it can bring us to. What I’m sure about is it will certainly make us feel warmer! 

                                 Joy of Hope

I do not want to know my future. I have no idea what is ahead of me tomorrow. I just want to do something good before I leave for home. If God wills, I might be useful tomorrow or the day after.

Today I had a peaceful winter day in my room, keeping myself busy. Frankly speaking, I’ve been feeling slightly fed up with my winter routine. I can’t wait to spring, to red tulips, to Easter joy. But today there happened something that makes me think a lot. Someone I never knew passed away. A child, the charity foundation I work for, was trying to help. It was shocking to hear that heartbreaking news since just today I was checking a translation of the article about this boy who’s now an angel. I can never get used to the fact that children I see smiling on their photos just die. They just can’t bear their pains any more. That’s what no one can change. I always feel useless and terribly helpless when I think of parents who just lost their beloved child. I just know what it means to lose. I know it is terrible. It is something no one can describe.

My today’s post might not seem so joyful. But I’m grateful. I am happy. I’m grateful for my day, my parents and their care today. I was happy to hear my dad’s voice on the phone, telling me his news. I was enjoying the love in the cup of hot mango tea my mama made for me. I’m grateful for a friend who made me laugh today even though I didn’t feel like smiling at all. He posted a funny joke. I do not know if he was serious or just made it up. No idea. But he did a great thing. He cheered me up a lot.

 I’m grateful for all those little sunrays of love I feel from my dear people around…It is grey and cold outside but when I think of how much I am loved, I feel warm and thankful. This warmth is like a tulip blooming in my heart. I just hope. I hope for the best. I hope I will also learn to make people around me happier and warmer.

 I hope this little angel who flew into the sky today is happy and free of any pain and sorrows. 

                             A New Smile

Smile is another international language. The dictionary of smiles is huge. But it’s easy to turn its pages. It’s easy to learn new smiles. It’s lovely to read smiles on someone’s face. It’s a sign of happiness, politeness, surprise or sometimes curiosity or even love. You never know for sure unless you are keen to discover it. The easiest way to do it is to smile back.

This January day I met a new student. Our eyes met with broad smiles. Her smile was true and sweet. We had our first lesson. I really hope I have managed to ‘infect’ her with my love to the English language. It is really important to make someone love what you love. That’s the key of success. Love. If you do not have this wonderful feeling, you are likely to fail no matter what you’re doing. Love is what helps me to go along English and German.

I’m grateful for my new student, a new person, a new smile. I’m happy to share what I seem to know somehow. I’m happy to give someone a little part of myself. 

Music is On …

Music is a wonderful thing, something that makes me feel awake no matter how late it is. It’s a language everyone can understand. I’m not a singer. But I love listening to others. I love to close my eyes and fly with the melody. I love communicating with the sounds. It’s like walking on something soft and weightless. Sounds touch the strings of my soul. Music is everywhere. In my head. In my heartbeat. In the wind playing with my hair.  It’s in my friend’s laughter. It’s in my sadness. My joy. My love. Everything has its sound. Everything and everyone. We’re music. We’re notes. Low and high. Music is even in the silence.

Today I am grateful for my new musical device, a small wonder. A little mp3 player! I feel like a kid, uploading some audios, some music, some e-books. I hope it’ll be helpful, not just fun!

I’m grateful for my new little material joy. I’m grateful for someone’s care I don’t deserve at all. I’m grateful to feel kindness ruling the world. I’m happy now I have a little gogear friend. ;) 

                                     Sleepy Joy

Yesterday night I burnt a huge portion of the midnight oil. Some restless thoughts kept me  away from falling into my strawberry sweet dreams. I accidentally joined the forum chat of people who like me have AMC. It was really unusual to chat with people who share the same difficulties and accomplishments. Crazy as it might seem, but I have never met anyone with AMC in my every day life. I sometimes wish I had such friends here. I don’t mean I feel lonely or lack friends. I just mean that it’d be fun to communicate with someone who’d understand me without any words. 

I went to bed with the birds singing “good morning, honey sweet Daria”…:D So, as you can imagine I felt really sleepy all day long. But I somehow managed to do my usual things, to help my student with English. I’m glad I can function even after some hours of sleep!

Now I’m almost dreaming…It’s so stormy outside. But I hope I’ll see myself in a beautiful spring garden this night. My day was not so eventful. No real surprises. BUT…one thing is enough to feel grateful forever for…today I opened my eyes, I saw my dear mom who’s celebrating her Angel’s Day, I heard my dad on the phone, I saw my good friend who cares for me even being so far away.  I had my marvelous lunch. I had enough strength to smile and dream. I did not do anything special today. No masterpiece I can be proud of. I’m just grateful for being today. For my day. For this miracle of my life. For the miracle of people around me.  I am sleepy but happy. So, I’m flying to bed now…