Big Sister Joy

Today is 19 years since I last saw you. The last moment when I touched your eyelashes. When I last kissed you goodbye. That was a grey morning. I don't clearly remember everything. Everything was too tearful. I felt lonely and abandoned by you. You didn't say anything. Simply left me. Alone.



I am still missing you. Years haven't changed my loving you. My needing you. Now I look at the only picture of you left. You were smiling there. We're apart now. Just memories left. No one will take them away from me. No matter how many more years I'll have to live without you. I believe one day I may meet you.


I'm grateful for having my little sister. She's not with me anymore. She passed away in 1994. People say time heals. Maybe. It is easier now. But I still wish she were here, by my side. It was worth having  a sister. Even though we were destined to say goodbye. I'm grateful for all the good days I had with my little sister.

                             Left: Me with a doll.  Right:  my little sister Katia with a teddy bear

                                                   Me and my sister

                                            I was seven and my sister was five there

 Death doesn't change a lot. There's something stronger than that. This connection. It is invisible. But it is forever with me. It is what makes me wake up and smile. It is what makes me feel warmer when it's dull and frosty outside. I'm grateful for being forever a big sister. 

     HAPPY November Day or Nine Years Ago...

This is exactly nine years since my life has changed. Forever. There was not a single day when I wouldn't speak/write/listen to the English language. This day nine years ago I met my first native speaker friend and teacher. Nine years ago I still had no idea that I'd ever speak English, know many nice people from all over the world and become a translator and a little bit a teacher. I did not know English would ever bring me that far...

                                    Me, my dear friend Joel and my mom seven years ago...

I can't help but thanking God for everything. For the right moment, the right person. Everything is a like a big chain of happy events in my life. Everything is like a big complicated puzzle...Now I am just speechless looking back at all my challenges, at all those moments I never thought I'd ever experience and people I never expected to meet.
Today nine years ago I started my new era. I started my new today. Not all of my dreams have come true. But what I never dreamt of - is my reality now. I do not really deserve everything I have. Someone Above decided to make me happy. I didn't get the right functional legs or hands. I was supposed to be a couch potato for the rest of my existence. I was not expected to be independent at all. Now I can do pretty lots of things. English has give me the wings. I can fly with my thoughts. I couldn't come to most of my good friends. They came to me instead. My words have brought them to me.
There are some songs which are closely connected with that amazing time nine years ago - 

I am happy to be where I am now. I hope to be brave enough to change my life soon again. This part of me nine years ago will always stay with me.
I'm grateful for having English...I'm grateful for November 2004. I'm grateful for every person in my life I've met. I'm grateful for their patience with me. I'm grateful for being in love with languages. I'm grateful for just being. Life is beautiful. I know it now. :)

P.S. Today is ONE year since I've started my blog...I'm sorry for my huge pause. I didn't post my joys last month much. But I promise I'll catch up! ;) Just stay tuned up! ;)

         What I am Born to be Joy!

This Monday was a happy one for me. It has brought me my thirty minutes of true happiness. It has showed me again what I was born for. I am born to be an interpreter. I am born to bring the light of understanding where there is this loud darkness of silence. I'm born to be an invisible helper. I feel happy to switch my restless mind between different languages. 

I had my honour to be an interpreter for my friends from  the "Equal Opportunities" Club for people with disabilities in our city and English guests. It's funny - whenever I translate people's thoughts - I feel as if I can fly. I forget about my limits, my sorrows, my fear. I am just free. Like a fish in the ocean. 

I'm grateful to God for presenting me this day. For giving me this chance to choose the art of my love. For the English language. For angels on Earth like my friend Marianna. For strangers who smiled back at me without even knowing a single thing about me. For this miracle - my happy thirty minutes which is my happy eternity.

Happy me in Zaporizhzhia yesterday!

                                       Marinna's mom, Marianna and I  

              To Be a Translator Joy...

30th of September is my holiday. I have the right to celebrate it since 2005 when I planted a seed of my big dream...of becoming a translator, someone who's supposed to connect people, like the electricity which connects cities, countries, continents...When I look back I can hardly believe I have graduated from the university, obtained my two diplomas, survived many sleepless nights, cuddling with cough and fever, getting butterflies in my stomach before each and every exam...and now it's been almost three years since I'm an officially a translator...
My work makes me tired, sometimes stressed and annoyed but it's like being in love with someone - even he drives you crazy at times or breaks your heart - you love him not a little less. So, that's the same about my art of love. I'm grateful to God for being what I am today. For having my tools - dictionaries, the Internet, Skype...and most important - people who inspire me to keep on learning, teaching and raising up after every fall. I'm happy to play with words and clear out the sky for someone. ;) I am happy to rescue people who're lost in this huge world of languages....

                                             My Rainy Monday....

Honestly speaking I don't like these endless September rains. I feel stuck in my room. I feel like a disharged battery. I long for the sun...I know it's somewhere above - just behind these heavy sky blankets. But...alas! I can't reach it, cannot feel it. Only dream of it. That's what I have to do. Spend my time. Work. And...dream away. To my warm August days which slipped away. Forever. But I am happy about my summer. It was good. And my warm memories are forever with me. :) That comforts me. :) I'm a greedy memory holder! :D (I am sorry for my strange English! It must sound upside down!).

I'm grateful for my rainy day. For my good friend who made me feel sunnier. For being able to smile through my window that is covered with sky's bitter tears...

The Rain on My Cheeks

This Sunday I somehow managed to wake up early - in this silent darkness of my room. I went to church. On my way back I was caught by September rain. I felt some raindrops on my cheeks. It made me feel sad and happy. Both. Right away. 

The sky was crying. Maybe that was a message. Maybe. I don't know. I was happily walking home. To my warm nest. To my hot cup of tea waiting. To people who think the world of me. 

I'm grateful for being able to enjoy these last more or less warm days. For this rain. For feeling it on my cheeks. For feeling. It's better than to be a heartless piece of wood...

                             I am Here...

It is very important to be "here" even when I am miles and oceans away. I am happy to feel connected with people I care about. I don't know if they all need my "I'm here" but...I'm happy to be "here" whenever they want and need it.
Today I went to church and that was the first time ever I didn't see our priest since he has fallen seriously sick. It's very sad. But I was thinking of him while putting my candle. I hope he could feel that "I'm here".

I'm grateful for this autumn day. For my sleepy Saturday. For my autumn walk. For my warm blanket and some ice-cream. :D I'm grateful for some laughing moments with my parents. I'm grateful for a lovely conversation with my good friend. I'm grateful for needing some people. They are not always around the way I wish they were. But they are "here". Straight in my heart. Forever. It doesn't matter if they want it or not. :P I'm selfish here. I keep them inside my heart, mind and all my cells. ;) I wish I could always keep them away from any sorrows and be their sunshine when they feel gloomy. Well, I'm not always as positive as I may seem. But...whenever I think of people I do care about I feel nothing but a great ray of sunshine in my heart.