Life and Death

Life and death are always connected. Like a day and a night. Like children and smiles. We are all born to travel into eternity one day. We cannot really miss this day when we have to close our eyes forever. But I do not take it as something tragic. Well, sure I cannot feel really happy when someone I love leaves me forever.I'm not so strong.  I just feel that it's not so forever. It's forever for our world. The world where everything has its end. But I believe in the World where the life will be like  an endless circle. And then nothing will be able to stop it. I am sure it is true. 

My day was filled with different feelings - sadness and true joy. We had to say a forever goodbye to our dear neighbour who passed away yesterday evening. It's really uneasy to feel happy about this goodbye...but what comforts me is that she is not feeling any pains any more. Now she is free of it. I really hope she will be happy there where she is now. I really wish her this. I hope I'll see her one day. She was a good person. 

I also had my reasons of real joy. I had a funny chat with a good friend of mine. I didn't actually expect I could laugh today. I felt really heavy after the morning sad news. But my friend managed to make me feel alive and full of joy. I do not know how he manages it. Maybe he possesses a sort of kind magic. No idea. What I can say is - I had a very lovely time talking to him about nothing. :)  

I'm grateful for God's mercy. I'm not so clever to understand His will and plans. I just know that everything happens the way it should even if I cannot really comprehend it. I'm grateful for being alive, for having some more chances to do something here. I'm grateful for my dear friend for making me feel happy today. I'm happy he is. I'm happy I've had my moment of joy. Life goes on. The sun is gone but it'll be back tomorrow by God's great kindness. 

A Piece of Sunshine from Brazil

This cold and grumpy January day I recieved a real ray of sunshine from my brother who lives in a sunny Brazil. I was really happy to open some little but wonderful presents carefully packed for me. I felt like a had my birthday again. :) It does make fun to open some secret gifts! Some of them will have to wait till summer but it doesn't make me sad. Not at all.  I'm looking forward to summer with more joy! :) 

I'm grateful to my dear friend and brother who always brightens up my day. I have never met him yet. Just online. But he treats me the way I always wanted my real brother did. I really hope I'll meet him one day. I really hope we'll hug each other and have our real joy. :)

I have realized some time ago that it doesn't matter how away your friends might be. If they are close to your heart, the real distance does not seem so important. I'm very lucky to have my brother in Brazil. I'm crazy enough to dream of visiting him and his family one day. Life will show me. Now I'm smiling when I look at the presents sent straight from his heart. Thank you so much, my dear brother! You have made my  cold and busy day really sunny...

Snowball explosion and a midnight telephone call

Today I have finally escaped from the cave of my daily routine. ;) I would not say I am suffering that much by staying at home during the winter time, but a little change of surrounding does make me feel better. It’s like stretching my wings. Or like a fresh handful of strawberries. :P

Although it was really foggy and damp outside, I felt more than determined to go out. After turning myself into a heavy cabbage (after putting on tons of clothes!), I finally was pushed outside with my mom’s support. We have finally realized that it’s possible for me to stay in my wheelchair while getting outside. It is weird we never came to this bright idea during my university years! Some wise thoughts come later…but as some wise people say “better late than never!”. Well, I got some positive emotions while being outside. I suddenly felt like holding a snowball, that seemed so hard and forever frozen…but it collapsed in my warm (hot?) arms within some seconds…it was like a real explosion! My face, my glasses, my coat and even the inner side of my sweater were covered with snow…I could not help but bursting into laughter…I am happy no one saw my crazy explosion. It was silly to hope that a piece of iced snow would stay solid in my "tender" arms…

Just as I was going to brush my teeth tonight I heard my mobile ringing. That was really strange. There are very few people who can call me day and night but even they do not do it just for fun. I was surprised to see the number of our neighbour. She’s really ill, fighting with cancer. No one knows if she can survive. I somehow want to hope she will.  She’s being really unwell, getting some painkillers. I could hardly recognize her voice…she was asking me to call the ambulance…then her daughter took the phone and apologized saying that her mom just confused the number…well, it might be she’s in her world after some injections…:( My heart is bleeding when I think of her. She was such an alive woman. I hate to feel myself so much helpless. And I hate to think that I or someone I love might one day be the same ill and helpless. I do not know. And maybe I’m happy not to know. But just to be happy now. Not later. Not when I might be (or not) rich or more intelligent.

I’m grateful for my winter stroll and tasting some snow in my mouth. I'm grateful to my dear friend I had  a chat today. He's really patient with me and my German skills!  I’m grateful for our neighbour. Her midnight call made me think of many things and feel myself fortunate. I hope I’ll show my love a bit better. Life is too short. We never know if we or someone we love will ever wake up and smile at us tomorrow. Sure, sometimes we’re sad or just annoyed. Sometimes we have the right to be in a bad mood. But maybe we should always remember of our last day. I don’t mean we should be always down or depressed. On the contrary. We should cherish what we have now. We should try to show our dear ones how much we care for them. It is not that they always need it (they, of course do!) but we need it first. We are created to love. Not to waste our life for little things of life that are not worth it. I know what I am writing now is easy to say but not that easy to do. But if someone of you who’s reading my post will today feel grateful for your new day of life, for your family, friends, boss, and tell someone “Let me make you a cup of tea”, I’ll feel myself even happier. Let’s try to share our warmth with people around. Who knows what it can bring us to. What I’m sure about is it will certainly make us feel warmer! 

                                 Joy of Hope

I do not want to know my future. I have no idea what is ahead of me tomorrow. I just want to do something good before I leave for home. If God wills, I might be useful tomorrow or the day after.

Today I had a peaceful winter day in my room, keeping myself busy. Frankly speaking, I’ve been feeling slightly fed up with my winter routine. I can’t wait to spring, to red tulips, to Easter joy. But today there happened something that makes me think a lot. Someone I never knew passed away. A child, the charity foundation I work for, was trying to help. It was shocking to hear that heartbreaking news since just today I was checking a translation of the article about this boy who’s now an angel. I can never get used to the fact that children I see smiling on their photos just die. They just can’t bear their pains any more. That’s what no one can change. I always feel useless and terribly helpless when I think of parents who just lost their beloved child. I just know what it means to lose. I know it is terrible. It is something no one can describe.

My today’s post might not seem so joyful. But I’m grateful. I am happy. I’m grateful for my day, my parents and their care today. I was happy to hear my dad’s voice on the phone, telling me his news. I was enjoying the love in the cup of hot mango tea my mama made for me. I’m grateful for a friend who made me laugh today even though I didn’t feel like smiling at all. He posted a funny joke. I do not know if he was serious or just made it up. No idea. But he did a great thing. He cheered me up a lot.

 I’m grateful for all those little sunrays of love I feel from my dear people around…It is grey and cold outside but when I think of how much I am loved, I feel warm and thankful. This warmth is like a tulip blooming in my heart. I just hope. I hope for the best. I hope I will also learn to make people around me happier and warmer.

 I hope this little angel who flew into the sky today is happy and free of any pain and sorrows. 

                             A New Smile

Smile is another international language. The dictionary of smiles is huge. But it’s easy to turn its pages. It’s easy to learn new smiles. It’s lovely to read smiles on someone’s face. It’s a sign of happiness, politeness, surprise or sometimes curiosity or even love. You never know for sure unless you are keen to discover it. The easiest way to do it is to smile back.

This January day I met a new student. Our eyes met with broad smiles. Her smile was true and sweet. We had our first lesson. I really hope I have managed to ‘infect’ her with my love to the English language. It is really important to make someone love what you love. That’s the key of success. Love. If you do not have this wonderful feeling, you are likely to fail no matter what you’re doing. Love is what helps me to go along English and German.

I’m grateful for my new student, a new person, a new smile. I’m happy to share what I seem to know somehow. I’m happy to give someone a little part of myself. 

Music is On …

Music is a wonderful thing, something that makes me feel awake no matter how late it is. It’s a language everyone can understand. I’m not a singer. But I love listening to others. I love to close my eyes and fly with the melody. I love communicating with the sounds. It’s like walking on something soft and weightless. Sounds touch the strings of my soul. Music is everywhere. In my head. In my heartbeat. In the wind playing with my hair.  It’s in my friend’s laughter. It’s in my sadness. My joy. My love. Everything has its sound. Everything and everyone. We’re music. We’re notes. Low and high. Music is even in the silence.

Today I am grateful for my new musical device, a small wonder. A little mp3 player! I feel like a kid, uploading some audios, some music, some e-books. I hope it’ll be helpful, not just fun!

I’m grateful for my new little material joy. I’m grateful for someone’s care I don’t deserve at all. I’m grateful to feel kindness ruling the world. I’m happy now I have a little gogear friend. ;) 

                                     Sleepy Joy

Yesterday night I burnt a huge portion of the midnight oil. Some restless thoughts kept me  away from falling into my strawberry sweet dreams. I accidentally joined the forum chat of people who like me have AMC. It was really unusual to chat with people who share the same difficulties and accomplishments. Crazy as it might seem, but I have never met anyone with AMC in my every day life. I sometimes wish I had such friends here. I don’t mean I feel lonely or lack friends. I just mean that it’d be fun to communicate with someone who’d understand me without any words. 

I went to bed with the birds singing “good morning, honey sweet Daria”…:D So, as you can imagine I felt really sleepy all day long. But I somehow managed to do my usual things, to help my student with English. I’m glad I can function even after some hours of sleep!

Now I’m almost dreaming…It’s so stormy outside. But I hope I’ll see myself in a beautiful spring garden this night. My day was not so eventful. No real surprises. BUT…one thing is enough to feel grateful forever for…today I opened my eyes, I saw my dear mom who’s celebrating her Angel’s Day, I heard my dad on the phone, I saw my good friend who cares for me even being so far away.  I had my marvelous lunch. I had enough strength to smile and dream. I did not do anything special today. No masterpiece I can be proud of. I’m just grateful for being today. For my day. For this miracle of my life. For the miracle of people around me.  I am sleepy but happy. So, I’m flying to bed now…

             Music at my fingertips

My day was really full of "different" emotions. First I met some friends of mine I haven’t talked to for real ages. It was so wonderful to see their faces, to see their smiles, to learn their latest news. So, my tongue had a very long travel today. I loved it, though.

Then I did what I haven’t done for many weeks (shame on me, such lazybones!). I decided to practise playing the piano. I was scared. I thought my fingers turned into wooden sticks. But…as soon as my fingers touched the keyboards, it was as if a happy couple  were kissing each other after they finally met. A simple melody my fingers were playing made me fly without any wings. I felt myself complete. And I promised myself to spend more time with the piano. 

 Sometimes I feel like music is always inside me, somewhere in my head, even in my nostrils. I just wish I had a good teacher. I seem to be a real dummy when it comes to the notes! What I can play with my right hand is what I catch by ear. No notes sheets. Only what my ears hear. Hope one day I’ll understand this grand theory of music. I wish it so much. Almost like a bird wishes the morning sunray to look out from the horizon.

I’m grateful for my unexpected meetings today, for my dear friends who bring me so much hope and light. I am grateful for my great friend – music. I’m happy I can call out some music. It feels awesome to be merged into music, to feel myself a part of it…

The Travel of a Heartbeat Away

I am a passionate traveller. I love seeing new places, learning new faces, absorbing new voices and being showered in new laughters. I enjoy catching the same wavelength with people who are so different from me.  I’m like a maniac when I speak. I love listening to people too. I love to feel myself a heartbeat away from someone who’s actually miles away from me. It does feel good.

Today I had some online travels to some of my friends. One of them is a real American with a big Ukrainian heart. I was honoured to see his home, to see his doggy peacefully taking a catnap ;-P and listening to his soul speaking with me. I felt as if I were there, by his side. I felt the warmth of his voice when he pronounced my name. I saw the joy streaming out of his kind eyes while seeing me. I had the time of my life talking to him, sharing my ideas, my life, my little silly thoughts, my poor knowledge. 

I also had a lovely time with another great friend of mine. He did something for me no one else ever did. He was singing online…just for me. And reciting some poems. It was great to feel that my friend trusted me enough to sing for me, for my ears.  He managed to keep me smiling all the time. I’m lucky to have such a friend who’s also just a heartbeat away. Thinking of me. Telling me his life. His worries and joys. I’m lucky to know he’s always there to talk to me. When I am happy. When I am sad. It doesn’t matter.

My day is over…Now it’s 00:00 on my computer screen. I’m grateful for my virtual travels. I’m happy to have a warm circle of friends. I’m thankful to my dear friends who made my day. My happiness. My smiles. My power. My being better. I’m happy to feel them just a heartbeat Away.

An Uknown or Invisible Joy I cannot even smell or touch…

Have you ever been happy because of no real reasons? I am almost sure you know what I am driving at. ;) Today is just this day. I do not know what but something invisible makes me happy. Something calm and stormy inside me. Hard to explain. Maybe it is called something like an invisible joy. No expectations. Just simple joy of something I don’t know. I might sound insane. I don’t take any drugs, believe me.;-P

Today I changed the colour of my skype into green. I was amazed at how many of my online friends want to say hello to me. Well, not a big deal, maybe. But it makes me happy. It means they care. It means people think of me, and maybe even smile when they see me. I had a lovely evening with my mom, with my student who urgently needed my first aid help. ;) I am not so important. No newspapers will discuss me tomorrow like let’s say Prince Harry (he’s lovely, sure!). No TV news will admire my personality. But many hearts all over the world will think of me tomorrow too. And it is just unbelievable.

I am grateful for my invisible joys, for my loving and being loved. I’m grateful for my silent joy. I am grateful for being special for everyone who reads my blog once in while or even every day. I’m grateful for all the kind words I have received today. I’m a happy girl today…I hope one day I will make you happy too. ;) Or at least I’ll be a little reason of your happiness. 

                        Moving Joy

I don’t want to sound heroic or someone who’s so brave or unique. I have my weak moments too when I wish I were just like anybody else – with a normal body. I had some moments when I dreamt of being different. Now I almost quit such dreaming. I mean I have got other dreams instead. Some I can probably make come true with God’s help one day.

Today I somehow looked at myself. Yeah, I look funny. I am not an example of beauty according to most magazine standards. Someone would probably feel sad if one had to ‘wear’ my body. Today I felt honoured to have my legs. My legs that carry me despite their weakness and funny shape. I’m happy I can move my way, with my knees that can never be straightened. I’m doing what no doctors would ever expect me to do. I remember once when I was examined by a doctor he was really shocked to see my “walk”. His mouth was opened for some minutes. Then he advised me not to move so much. But…I don’t really follow his recommendations because I like moving. Even let it be with some pain at times. It’s great to have my piece of freedom. I am happy I can move around. I don’t always need things to hold on. I can even ‘run’ my way. :D I can fall. But the good thing is I usually don’t hurt myself so badly because I am not so tall like let’s say Julia Roberts.  ;) So, that’s another reason to be happy  about being Thumberlina…;)

I’m grateful for my abilities, for my friends who cheered me up today (you know who you are!), for my chocolate time and for some day-dreaming sessions! It was great to live today. 

           Pancakes and Happy Laughter

This morning I experienced something unique. My dad was baking pancakes. That was his début. Despite his absolute ignorance of cooking, he did it pretty well. He made a great collection of valuable pancakes we happily ate within some minutes. Isn’t it a reason of joy to see my dad proud of his first pancakes? 

My students were laughing today…and that made me feel so happy. It only meant they could feel really easy with me.  It might mean I am not a boring strict old teacher (I’ve never seen those in my life, though).  And…guess what? Both of of my students confessed that they already knew my mobile number by heart. Those words were honestly proved aloud. I was touched to my very heart. I was just smiling. Well, not a big deal. But it is a sign of care. It is a sign of humanity. That makes me happy.  I’m full of hope. Kindness will never die. 

I’m grateful for my special moments of today. For my routine. For my couch potato hours. For everything. For the miracles deep inside I struggle to see through the thick glasses of my heart.

                             The Water of Life Joy

I am grateful for this wonderful sip of blessed water I had today. We’re celebrating the Baptism of Christ in the Jordan. My dear mama went to church and brought some water that is very special today because it’s miraculously blessed by God. I believe in it. I have my reasons to do it. This faith is sometimes the only thing that keeps me alive.

Now I’m too tired after five hours of tutorship. I’m happy some of my students showed some progress today. I hope it will go on this way. Their understanding is my happiness too. Crazy, but I am happy when I see them speaking the foreign language I love so much.

I’m grateful to God for His great Love to me and my family. I’m grateful for everything I do not deserve at all. I’m grateful for my moments of sadness which make me cherish my moments of joy much deeper. I’m grateful for my Saturday, the day I was once born in 1986. I’m just glad I am. That means a lot, doesn’t it? 

   Sweet Joy or love of the greatest Metamorphosis

My morning was the way I’d always imagine it in London with some slight differences. It was really foggy. I could see just a greyhaired  January smirking at me…

Despite the fact that the weather is pulling my eyes into the land of dreams I had a great reason to smile from ear to ear today. My very good friend sent me a new novel, a love story of Franz Kafka I really admire and …two jars of home-made jam! I couldn’t help but tasting it right away with a cup of tea. It was really delicious and …it made me miss my friend and summer. I am longing for real berries and sunrays. But thanks to my friend I felt myself really happy today. And I’m feeling itchy to start reading a new book! I am sure I’ll dive into it completely. The reason is I admire Franz Kafka and I’m curious to learn anything more about him as a person, his feelings and thoughts. 

Sometimes I feel like Herr Kafka and I would find lots of things in common….We’d be sometimes like a brother and a sister…;-)

I’m grateful for this sweet piece of someone’s care I received today. I’m grateful to my friend whose kind thoughts inspire me to go on no matter what. 

                      Dreams Can Come True Joy

Some friends of mine always tell me that I am too pessimistic whereas some cannot imagine a happier girl than me because I usually avoid complaining. Well, I guess I’m everything at times: sad, annoyed, frustrated, angry and just calm, happy and dreamy.

This morning I saw a dream that was so real. I saw someone I haven’t met for real yet but really want to see. I could see this person’s smile, waving my way and saying something I could not hear. This dream made me both – happy and blue…I was happy to see my friend but it was just a night dream. Nothing real. Just my emotions that were almost real. And God only knows if I am ever going to meet my friend. Maybe I will this year. Maybe never. Maybe this dream will just stay my dream. But I am happy I keep on dreaming. It means I am not old yet! It means I am  braver than I think....

This afternoon I finally had a short but very warm online meeting with my brother from Brazil. It was so amazing to have a small talk to him. I’m happy to be his little sister. We didn’t have much time to chat but even that little time we spent made me feel better.

This evening I was feeling exhausted and a bit sad. But thanks to my wonderful friend from Spain I had the time of my life. We were practising Spanish together. Haha…I’d better say he was helping me and I was practising. And I must tell you I still remember some grammar rules and even could translate some sentences today! I felt slightly proud of myself. Happy. Yeah. Happy. ;) But that would not take place without my dear friend Sergio. He is the sunniest Spaniard I have ever met. He is very talented at making me smile and warm. I am lucky to know him. It only sucks we’re miles away. But I’m crazy to dream of travelling to Spain one day too. If God wills, I will be happy to do that.  Let's see if I can write about it one day...(?)

I’m endlessly grateful for my dreams, for this evening filled with Spanish tricky verbs.  I am happy to see some little progress I’ve made.  I dream of speaking Spanish well enough to have a Spanish blog one day. But even if it is not destined to happen I am happy to know such people like my Brazilian brother, like my Spanish friend. I’m happy to realize that some people who live in different parts of the world think of me every day. It means a lot. It means they are written in my hearts.

Angels Story is going on…or Buenas Noches with a chocolate  melting in my mouth

Today I was visited by three sweet angels…It is true. I am not making up any stories! Come and see them, please if you don’t believe my words. ;)

Today I had some different joys. A great mix of them. A big sack. Fully packed. First: the sun has finally smiled at me. For the first time for many days. For the first time in 2013. Then I heard the voice of my dear friend. We had a nice chat about some serious things. I never have enough time when I talk with my friend. Time is against  me. Really. It flies when we chat. But our chats make me happy. No matter in what mood I previously was.

Then my student came. And…she presented me three angels…tiny sweet statues. Now they are staying on my desk and making me feel safer and warmer.

My evening was wonderfully warmed by my Spanish friend who is my main inspiration of leaning his beautiful mother tongue. During our chat I was enjoying a funny video on my screen and eating some chocolate. It was almost perfect. Like a dream. ;)

I am grateful for my nice sunny day, for people who make me smile no matter how I feel. I’m happy to have a small piece of chocolate that’s enjoying slowly melting! ;) I am grateful for the Time. For having my piece of happiness.

I wish you a guardian angel! Be well!

                                    This song is playing on my mind this evening. ;)

                            Herbal Tea and Angels around

Have you ever drunk a cup of herbal tea with sweet angels flying around? Haven’t you yet? Well, I have. Really. I mean what I am typing. I am not seeing things or imagining even though imagination is what makes me happy.

Today I received a small package of herbal tea for my cough (do not worry, I do not really need it now since my cough is almost gone) and a beautiful greeting card with angels flying on it. The person who sent it to me is my good friend who cares of me very much. Sometimes it seems to me that he miraculously knows what I need. 

I’m happy to know many angels around. They do not have wings but I know they are angels. They can tolerate me, my bad moods or my busy moments. I am just sad I do not really deserve it. But I am happy because I know someone who cares for me for a reason or no is a real angel.

Today I also managed to get in touch with one of the singers I truly respect and admire. I’m happy to receive his message. 

I also got some happy moments today by chatting with my good friend who's away. That chat made me all smiles.

I’m thankful for my blessed day. For my tea. For my friends who despite being busy, tired, sick or whatever make my day a better reality. Thank you my dear! I wish could ever make your life as happy as you make mine!

P.S. By the way, the angels on the greeting card were painted by mouth, someone who cannot use his\her hands. This again makes me grateful. God shows us again that you do not need proper hands if you are talented. You will find your way to express yourself. And it does not matter how you do it. Just never give up. Walk, crawl, or just smile. But do not make any excuses. There are none.

                                       My Dear Monday

Most people hate Monday. Or at least most of them dream of it to be over. I used to dislike it too some time ago. But since some time my cold attitude to this day changed.

One Monday I met someone. Well, just a person. Now you might say I am so silly. I am. Believe me. I now associate this day of the week with this person, my dear friend I once met this day. I guess this person might never discover about my joy of Monday. It doesn’t matter, actually.

Today I am grateful for my peaceful day and for having a little get in touch with someone I met on Monday two years ago! Isn’t it a miracle?

I’m happy to love Monday. I’m happy to close my eyes on Sunday and smile to myself because of Monday coming. I know it sounds crazy. I don’t mean to be Miss Sensible. I am just the way I am. And I am happy I had my busy Monday. I am happy I could complete some long-awaited tasks. I’m happy my body was serving me well today. I am happy for my dear friends who patiently wait for me. I must be a happy Monday lover! ;)

My New Friend or How Tricky is it to Break the Walls of Silence…

I love making friends. I love meeting new people. I love talking. Someone who knows me personally knows that very well how hard it might be to escape from my flexible tongue! ;-P If you prefer actions to words, then do not bother me! (Just kidding). Well, sure I am sometimes really quiet. I love the silence of happiness when no words are necessary.

Yesterday (forgive me for my delayed joy report, please!) I met a new person. A big man who is ten years old. He came with another student of mine who’s nine years old and his 85-year old granny who sings in our church. My first impression was “what a hard nut to crack!”.  This boy was hardly saying anything. He was obviously excited and afraid. Maybe my “strange being” also scared him. Well, I hope not only. ;) Well, children who meet me for the first time (just like maybe most grownups but they are great actors!) are either shocked by my strange body shape and can’t help staring at me and it seems like they are eating me with their big eyes or they simply avoid looking at me at all. My new friend was the one who preferred to hide his scared look away. He was super closed. I’d say he was like a locked door no one can ever open. I was almost ready to give up…but thanks to his friend and our funny English exercises and a competition I made for them, my new friend finally opened the windows of his soul to me…Well, not really but even a bit meant a lot to me! He was almost looking at me without any fear. I’d even say he got curious about me, the way I hold my pen and write.

In the evening I got the greatest shock ever – my phone number started to mew (my lovely ringtone!) and I saw an unknown number…I expected everyone – my new work colleague, my secret admirer or even our dear President…BUT I heard a familiar voice of…my new friend. He was bravely talking to me, asking me how I was and telling me that he made it home safe…

I’m grateful for breaking this hard wall of silence. I’m grateful for  a new cute student and maybe even a friend. He’s just ten. Tries to seem cool. He’s scared. He lost someone very dear last year.

I know I am not so good at talking with kids. I sometimes feel lost. But what helps me is that I am myself often a big kido. I am grateful for that too. I am not always a boring big girl. 

Bread and Butter or English+Deutsch=Love
This Saturday was filled with busy brain activities that bring me a big piece of bread with butter. I was teaching.  Today I did what I did not do that often yet. I was teaching two foreign languages one after the other. Two hours long (after the first two hours of English!). I was shocked of myself. I don’t mean I was so brilliant. But I managed to stay cool and think separately in each foreign language. I mean I did not really confuse them. I am happy I am slowly coming to terms with Deutsch (German). It’s like I am slowly falling in love…with German. I can already feel some butterflies in my stomach when I speak Deutsch. Oh, ja…(oh yeah!)

I am happy I can see some light of understanding in the eyes of my clever students. I am happy to be useful - for them, for my family and most of all for myself. It was the day I was dreaming of. The day when I finally can say I bring some bacon home. I can finally enjoy my bread and butter. And even some cheese on the top. I am not rich if you ask me about money. I don’t know if I am going to afford something more than now. But I am already happy.

I’m grateful to God for sending me kind people who trust my knowledge, who share their smiles and victories with me. I’m happy to feel myself a part of someone’s success or at least a part of someone’s good mood. I’m happy to have languages in my life. I really hope I’ll find enough strength to study some more languages in the future. May God help me…

                            An Echo from the Past

Yesterday I was like a squirrel running inside her funny wheel. It simply means I was really busy. And then dog-tired to type anything. I just touched my best friend – my sweet pillow and flew into my dreams where I am free of chasing reality.

In the evening I was holding an echo from my university past. It was real. I felt it in my fingers. It was a journal with scientific articles I received by post. One of my articles was there. The one I wrote in 2010 while graduating. Truly speaking I was writing it under some hectic pressure since I was preparing for my state exams. But it made me feel warm to read it now. Two years later. My dad could hardly believe I wrote such “intelligent” things. I think his eyes were shining with joy while reading the article.

I’m grateful for overcoming my university challenges. I’m grateful for the university past that will always stay a lively sunray in my heart. My past is the door I won’t be able to open again. It’s tightly closed. The keys are lost forever. But I am happy to peep at the keyhole. I am going forward. No idea what I am going to see behind the doors of my future. I hope I’ll feel the wind of happiness blowing in my hair there! 

I need You...

What is the best word ever? Is it possible to choose the best word in the world? I believe this task makes no sense. There are many words that warm your heart. Or make you cry. Or make you die inside. Or freeze without any snow.

Today I received three lovely words. Just simple “I need you”. Well, don’t think that it is the first lovely phrase I have ever received. I am lucky for great people around. But today these three tiny words made my day. They miraculously made me smile all day long. Just without any reason.

I have also enjoyed teaching and again feeling myself easy. Knowledge is empty unless it’s shared.

I’m happy to have someone who thinks of me at least for some minutes a day. That means I am needed. I make someone’s being better. Or funnier. Or…I don’t know what. But I am happy. That’s it. Should I add any other silly words? ;)

                                                Giving yourself

Today I was visited by some very selfish thoughts. It happens. I sometimes want to be special. To be given time. To be understood. To enjoy some happy moments. To feel warm. To swim in the sunrays. There is probably nothing unique in my selfish wishes. That’s human-like to want it. Nothing really wrong one would say. We’re often hungry for some attention or a nice compliment. We sometimes just want to be the only one. The best ones. Loved.

Then all of a sudden I came to a bright idea (like a spring thunderstorm!). Today I happened to present my time to some of my friends. I gave them my warmth. My smiles. My little help. I hopefully made them feel better. Or at least I can say I made one of them laugh. And that made me feel really special…Not because I am special. I am not really. But I now see that it is happiness to give yourself to someone. It doesn’t matter if this someone does not give him\herself back to you. Sure, it’d be maybe perfect. But it is not necessary. If your care for someone is true and honest, you even enjoy this one-sided “warmth sharing”. What I want to say is – it is great to make someone’s day sunnier or to draw a smile on someone’s gloomy face. Or to listen to someone’s problems and just make someone feel that you’re there for them.

I am helpless. Sometimes hopefully helpless. I have no power for many things around me. But I enjoy being a little joy-maker for some people around me. It brings me joy too. It makes me forget about what I lack or what I selfishly want. I just love giving myself away. And don’t worry. Daria is big. Many portions are still left. ;)

I’m grateful for my nice day. For sharing myself, my being, my world, my heart with people around me.

I’m grateful for being able to give myself to others. My shaky knowledge, my curious interest, my love to life. 

                             Snowmen in my Life…

Today we’re covered with snow. I mean it literally. No metaphor!

Well, I might have told you about my love to summer and slight dislike to winter…Well, I can’t help admiring the beauty of snow. Yes, I can’t. But I also feel like enjoying lots of sun instead. ;)

Today I’m grateful for some peace in my heart despite this great snowfall outside. I’m also grateful for two snowmen – one real, constructed by my papa and another one I received from  hot sunny Brazil!

I’m grateful for some moments of snowball playing today. I was feeling myself like a five-year old kid. That’s great! Wish I had such moments more often. But if you’re always happy then you don’t notice it or don’t cherish it well enough…Don’t you think so?

                 My Happy Christmas Morning

I had a marvelous Christmas morning. I woke up early (we say here “woke up with roosters!)  and my mama and I went to church. The Christmas was felt everywhere – in the air, in the snowflakes slowly falling down on my cheeks and even the frost made me feel happy.

 I usually forget my every day problems when I am at church. I am feeling like I am almost in Heaven. I wonder what it really feels like to be in Heaven. It must be beautiful there. If I am lucky, I’ll experience it one day. But today I felt a little piece of Heaven – with happy people around, all smiling and sharing their honest joy with each other. I wish I could describe you a real Christmas face.  I don’t know if any artist would be able to create it. Maybe it’s impossible.

I’m grateful for my great morning joy. It was really amazing to drive along the snow with my wheelchair and feel this real Christmas spirit in the air. I’m grateful to God for His mercy to me and people I love so much.

Merry Christmas! God bless you!

Christ is being born, let’s praise Him!

Today I got three Big Joys:

1. I had a great morning walk to our church, admiring the snowflakes and the first sun rays.

2. I was honoured to receive Holy Communion. So, today I’m feeling really happy. Far away from all my troubles. I’m loving this moment. My moment of joy. Real joy.

3. I had  a wonderful family Christmas Eve dinner. My dear mama cooked 12 traditional Ukrainian dishes, all of them are lenten. It means our dinner included no meat, no milk, no eggs, no milk. But it was still extremely delicious! 

My main joy of today is – Our Savior, Jesus Christ is being born tonight. And I’m happy to be born. To feel this joy. To be a part of His greatest love. 

                                   A Joy from Africa!

As I’ve already told you, I’m extremely nosy and mega curious to receive some letters or postcards. So, today I received a little parcel from my dear friend who lives far away.  I was blown away by what I saw! It was an African knife for opening envelopes! Therefore, now I’m ready to open all the letters!

I love such moments of curiosity when I open something unknown. I must tell you this childish feature is still with me and it seems like it’s going to stay with me forever and a day! ;)

I’m grateful for this wonderful surprise I got today. I’m happy to have some big-hearted friends all around the world. And once again I see – friendship is the best heater during such nasty weather! 

A Miracle, Snowfall and Almost Cough-Free Day

Yesterday I missed to post my joy news, so I’m really sorry!

My day was calm but filled with a miraculous event! My mom and I went to church and honoured the newly arrived icon of Saint Nickolas. As soon as the icon arrived, it started to snow heavily! 

This day I called my former first school teacher. She sounded so grateful for my call since she had “lost” her mobile and my sudden call helped her to happily find it! This “found” joy made me feel delighted! ;)

I’m grateful for this source of strength I have so close – our little village church. I’m grateful for this miraculous snowfall. I’m grateful for my work that keeps me away from all the dull thoughts! I’m grateful for feeling better! My cough is not so annoying anymore (or maybe I’m falling in love with it, huh? ;) 

          Let there be the Light! I am Free!

This afternoon we finally welcomed “the Light” back. I mean the blackout kingdom is over. The life is going on. I’m very happy everything seems to be in order after yesterday sudden electricity tantrum!

Today I’m grateful for receiving some very special messages from people I love to bits! I’m grateful for my usual working routine. I’m grateful for my wonderful journey to some books. I should better stop now. I’m tired and should complete many things tomorrow with God’s help.

I’m happy to see the smiles that really make my heart dance for joy! 

My Romantic Evening With A Candle or How I Was Kidnapped!

Yesterday I vanished without a trace…I was kidnapped by a great blackout on our street.  This unexpected “crime” happened during my English lesson. But thanks to my mom, my lesson was “lighted” by a candle with some mandarin peel.

I felt stormy inside. I didn’t really like an idea of staying in this complete silent darkness all the evening. Thanks to God, this darkness was not so scary. On the contrary. My evening was warmed by a lovely chat with my mom in our kitchen. 

Then there was a piece of miracle. I got mail! Well, the thing is I am on cloud nine to receive something. It doesn’t matter what. It might be even a small letter from a friend of mine. What really matters is this warmth I feel whenever I open an envelope. That dark evening I received a wonderful bunch of sunrays: a book from my dear friend who despite being so far away is really close to my heart, and some amazing greetings cards I didn’t expect to get! 

So, I spent my dark hours with my curious nose into the book and cards: smelling and absorbing them all. (Haha, hope you don’t consider me now a nosy maniac!) ;-)

I’m grateful to God for this rare chance to be in silence with my mama. For the evening peace. For some very dear people in my life and even people I don’t know but whose big hearts make me feel so alive. 

I’m the happiest recipient in the world! Well, at least in our village for sure! :-P

                     PATIENCE EXERCISES OR MY FIRST DAY IN 2013

Today I am lazybones. Can you imagine when I opened my eyes today? Well, I peacefully enjoyed staying in bed till the very late afternoon. I simply loved feeling myself free of any chores. As a kid I tried to get up early to look for gifts from Did Moroz (our Ukrainian Santa Claus) under our New Year’s tree. Now I’m slowly learning to look for and enjoy other sorts of gifts one can never buy for money.

Since yesterday we’ve been hosting some relatives. Honestly, our worlds are totally different. No real connection between us. No path we could share. Some of their life attitudes really play the keyboards of my nerves piano. I dislike its melody. But it’s within my power to listen to this melody or just ignore it. I cannot say I’m perfectly patient. But I’m on my certain way to it. I had some very brilliant opportunities to practise my weak patience. Let’s hope one day I’ll really master it! ;-)

This day I went outside for the first time this year and for the last 14 days. It was really breathtaking to watch the sky and breathe in some fresh January air.

I have also made my resolution list for 2013. I have no idea if I am strong enough to complete it successfully or even somehow but let me share my brave ideas with you:

1. I want and hope to get rid of some of my fears and prejudices.

2. I want to learn to play the piano well enough to smile in my heart.

3. I want to travel somewhere I have never been to.

4. I want to meet some people I really care for but have never met for real yet.

5. I want to try to do something really new I have never done before.

6. I want to improve my German, Spanish and Polish (English too!) dramatically.

7. I want to do some more physical exercises and swim. I also hope to get a new bike!

8. I want to go out somewhere without my parents’ assistance. This point is really unlikely to take place since I do need much help when I go out. But dreaming does not harm, doesn’t it? ;)

9. I want to try to change my every day activities a bit.

10. I want to master cooking.

11. I want to change something about my appearance. I don’t mean any surgeries. Just simple style changes.

12. I want to read more and try to turn my travelling thoughts into something people might enjoy reading.

I’m grateful for my patient sources, for my dear parents who make me feel loved and special. I’m grateful for going outside and admiring the endless blue sky. I’m grateful for the sunshine of hope blinking in my heart.