I am Happy You Were, Broken Dreams, Dreams are Still Beating...Waiting...Funny Pizza, Coffee Greetings....

I am again awfully late with my joys! I am sorry. I am sorry I have perhaps made you think that I had NO joys...what would be the greatest lie of all! :) Let me tell you what made me happy all those days.

First....on July 24th I was celebrating the 25th birthday of my little sister who's not with me anymore. I can't touch her, nor speak to her. I can't hear her voice. She's gone. Somewhere where she's always in the sunshine, far away from fear, pain and our cruel and bitter reality. Away from cold rains. Away from stupid words. But it also makes me feel sad at times. I can't help missing her. Still. Many years are gone. She left me as a child. I think now she'd be a beautiful lady. She was truly pretty. Much prettier than I. :P It hurts to realize that she's too far away. But I do feel a piece of her inside me. Her smiles. Her tears. Our secrets. Our games. My teaching her to speak. My service of being her big sister...I am grateful for having my little sister. It doesn't matter it's over. She's forever with me. At least spiritually I still feel her close. Especially when I am sad. My life would be much emptier without her - my little angel. It is great to have a sister or brother. It's a special connection that can never be actually broken. Never. It's like the sun. It's warmth that is always up. Just close your eyes and feel it.

I'm grateful for some of my silly dreams. There was a day when my dreams were sort of broken, destroyed...It made me cry inside. My inner world became dark and rainy...BUT....miracles happen!!!!! Yesterday my dream came back to life!!! Well, it is still in the dark if my silly dreams are going to come true soon...Everything is too unclear and shaky. It's like hoping to fly like a bird when you reach a breathtaking top of the mountain...You never know...but you feel like you can do that. So, that's the way I feel about my dream. And I hope that it will come true in some ways. I am sorry for not telling you the whole thing. I can't do that yet. Probably later. Some parts. It's hard to speak of things  you feel speechless about....

I'm grateful for waiting. It doesn't matter if it's in vain. It's better to wait than to cut your wings...

I'm grateful for our new oven! :) Today my mom has bought a new one. So, we can bake everything we want to! ;) Our lunch was really gorgeous! My mom baked a funny pizza...Why was it funny? Because it included NO flour! ;) Just vegetables, some meat and lots of cheese! ;) I ate it at first with my fork as a real intelligent lady and ended up devouring it with my fingers, almost licking my plate...:D

I am grateful for my curious and chatty student who cheered me up a lot with his adventurous stories!

I'm grateful for my dear friend I support with English sometimes online. Her amazing personality and sense of humour make me forget all my stupid troubles. I feel alive whenever I hear her voice. :) I hope she feels similar about me. :D haha...Forgive me my modesty, please. :)

I'm grateful for my dear brother in Brazil who has sent me some real Brazilian coffee....:) I feel like my hair is smelling like coffee now...:D If you don't believe my words, just some and smell me. I allow you. :P

                     Read my Mind Joy

My main joy of Monday is - my prayer can be answered sooner than I ever could imagine...as soon as I had a very big dream, I suddenly saw it...sent to me! I can't now tell you anything in details, because my dream is still like  a baby, a bit helpless....but if it comes true completely, I will tell you more. :)

I'm forever grateful for Someone who can read my mind...for this glimmer of joy and hope. ;) For this sunray that swept the dusty darkness away from my heart....

I'm also grateful for this great variety of summer gifts I am enjoying these days...I'm grateful for my new friend who happened to have so much in common with me. :) I hope she knows I am talking about her now! ;)
I am grateful for my patient friends who are waiting for me for ages...:D I am grateful for being cared for...:)

My Collection of Joys: Cakes, The Cloud that Reminds You, the Joy packed in an Envelope and Silent Laughter...:)

I am again late with my joys' list. It never means like my days are empty or are not happy. Each day is like the whole life...constant fight of joy and sorrow...So, I try to live every single day as I'd live my life...I laugh and cry. I miss someone dear to my heart and feel like I am lost. Then again I see some dreams that come true....:)

Allright. My stupid thoughts aside. Let me share some of my joys with you.

I was delighted to see my friends last weekend. They came to me with their homemade cakes. They were delicious, so I had to forget about my no-bread diet for some minutes...:P
I'm grateful for their care...for sharing their life with me...For being there for me.
I'm grateful for my evening walk with my parents. We were just walking along our garden, then a nearby railway station. I was counting down the train compartments...and there were 56 of them! :O

And I was also admiring a beautiful cloud that was cuddling the rays of the sinking sun....and it reminded me the face of someone I miss...Strange but even clouds may transfer your thoughts into a very far away direction...

I'm grateful for this chilly July evening. For my parents caring of me. For their patience with me. For their love...

I'm grateful for this treasure. For my evening with those people I love so much....I am awful at showing my love. Never really do that. I should urgently change it....I really want to tell them how much I love them and how much grateful to them I am....

I'm grateful for this miraculous news I received from a good friend of mine...this joy is carefully packed in the envelope...and today I was very happy to see this joy! :)  I was happy to know that some post offices work on Monday since here it is so lazy...:P 

Maybe it's silly but even a waiting joy may also be another sort of happiness. And I still can never be sure that everything I hope for may ever come true. So, I have to enjoy what I have now. Just now. Tomorrow is not here yet. Not in my pocket yet. :)

I'm grateful for my patient back....Honestly speaking my back is not treating me kind these days...I am still grateful I somehow manage to work all day long. But I can't really laugh or sneeze now...:D Each of such movements sends my brain a pain message...:P So, I should better not laugh so far. I should better just smile. :) Pain may also be a sort of joy sometimes....am I crazy? No...pain makes my pain-free time happier...:) It's still better to feel pain yourself than to see how someone you love suffers....so, fighting with some pain myself is not that bad. :) It all means I am alive.

                                  My Unwritten Joys.....

Those days I was lazy to post anything about my joys...But there are some....be sure! Every day....even if my joy is super tiny and I need a microscope to see it...I still can do that...:)
So, what am I grateful for? I'm grateful for my dad who's at home now. Well, it's not always that easy as it seems...to stand someone who's dear to you...who's in pain or feels bored...But it's still nice to be together. To give it a try...after many years apart.

I'm grateful for my happy expectation. I'm silent. No details. If it comes true...I'll tell you later in August...BUT the first step is made...and now I just have to count down the days...to make some plans I hope will work...:) I am afraid of any failure. I'm afraid of any "won't". But...now I enjoy waiting. Waiting is wonderful. :)

I'm grateful for my tears of happiness. I'm grateful for my losing my weight a bit. Just a bit. :D
I'm grateful for my warm memories. For lots of fruits. For my laptop that despite some crazy moments managed to stay with me...:)
I'm grateful for my patient boss who magically can stand my silly mistakes...:D
I'm grateful for my new friend I've met. I feel like it's going to be another wonderful discovery. ;)

I'm grateful for staying. For my romantic ideas. :D For bringing some crazy ideas to some of my friends. For typing. For my pain-free day after some terrible backache some days ago. I'm grateful for believing in people and their kind hearts. I am happy people are better than I expect them to be...I'm grateful for being a small part of their life...

           The Happiest Happiness Ever....

12th of July is the best day of my life this year...First: I'm one year wiser and maybe a bit more beautiful! :P

This morning I opened my eyes to a new me...a 27-year old green-eyed girl...and I have noticed that my set of silly and slightly naive dreams is unchanged...:) Like a curious kido I opened my birthday gift being still in bed...

I have started my 27th year with a wonderful church service....I'm fortunate to be born on St. Peter and Paul's day. This year I had the greatest luck ever to be a  part of the holy communion - the body and blood of the One who loves me no matter what. Even when I feel sleepy and don't feel like talking...

                                                          Me and my flowers...

When I came back home I was flooded with flowers from people who had the best memory ever...:D

Then I was kissed and hugged by those caring people who have enough place in their hearts for me...:D They have made me feel like VIP! ;) At such moments I don't know what to say...It's better to be a silent listener then...What can I say when my heart is crying for happiness? 

                                                            My parents and I
Later this day my parents and I went to the city...we had the time of our life together - laughing, talking, taking pictures. I miss those times when  we often did it together...and that was like a happy coming back to our past...This moment alone was worth being born! ;) Then I met with my sweet friend Marianna and her mom. We had much fun with our cameras and drinking cocktails in the Lviv cafe...:) It's funny but my 27th birthday went absolutely alcohol-free way...and I didn't regret it....

                                                Me and my dear friend Marianna

Our happy birthday party was also brightened by my dear former university mate Iryna. She came to wish me a happy birthday and I felt like on a real cloud nine....She's a sunny girl. 
:)

                                                      Me, Iryna and my mama


The greatest and the loveliest surprise was waiting for me in the evening...When I came back home and opened my email box...I found...what I was dreaming of for the last nine  months....My dearest friend and his wonderful wife became parents of a beautiful baby-girl that very day...on my birthday!!!! So, this girl and I are forever connected...;) And now I dream of telling her how happy I was that day, when she just arrived...She is my birthday present...The best one I have ever received in my life...I couldn't even fall asleep half of the night...so excited I felt! 

                                                  Me and my presents...happy me...
I'm grateful for my 12th of July...for my happy day I will never forget...for my friends who care for me and even for those who forgot about my birtthday or never knew of it...I still feel happy to receive "Happy belated birthday" messages...:) I'm just happy to be loved. Even by those who hardly know me. Who don't know how mean I can be...:P

                                                                 My cocktail...
I'm the happiest 27-year old girl now....at least in Ukraine...I'm very happy. I'm forever grateful. Even if it was my last birthday, I'd say I am grateful...maybe I'll have many more ahead...this one was still special!

                                                  Me and my mom...feeding birds...

I'm grateful to God for everything...For my being. For those who make my being happier. For those who have no idea how much they mean to me. For those I miss so much but never dare to tell them about it...for those who mean the world to me. For my sunny days. For my family. For my flowers. For my presents. For an amazing weather. For my life the way it is. And for my new dreams....:) Maybe crazy ones...but I'd try to follow them...Don't even try to hold me back...:P Good? ;)

                     My last 26th Joy....:)

It's great to be young...it's great to be only (already?) 26 years old...:) It's great to dream about things that may never come true...it's cool to dream no matter what. Even when it's silly. Even when it makes no sense....

I'm grateful for my busy day. For my family who's home safe&sound. For my friend who thought of me today his wonderful way. For my friend whose sense of humour made my evening extra happy. For our planning something together. For my last 26th evening...;)

                                 I Stand

Today I had to fight again...And again with my greatest enemy ever - myself...a girl who's so stubborn and whose mood is like a strong May thunderstorm wind...My battle was severe...it's like fighting with no hope to win...BUT so far so good...I'm a winner. :D I have won. I have returned my calm and sunny weather. ;) 

Well, I hope my post doesn't make you all scared. :D There are no voices in my head yet. :D I am just me. A very complicated person who has to fight against some things around...But no worries! I'll keep on doing so. I'll smile. :) I'll stand. Even if I fall one hundred times...:)

I'm grateful for my sunny day. For my first bite of sweet melon. For bringing my good mood back. :) For my hope. For my prayers which I hope will be answered...

                       Dreaming And Butterflies

Today I was flying with my new dream...:) That's a bit unrealistic today. My dream requires a special diet for my pocket I can't afford yet. :) But...dreaming alone doesn't hurt, does it? Huh? 
Today I had this happy butterfly moment...;) That's worth waiting for. :)
And today I finally could call some of my good friends who have been patiently waiting for me...
I'm grateful for my dream that fuels me with some energy to go on...I'm grateful for my lovely butterfly...I'm grateful for my patient friends...and I'm grateful for my kind friend who was in panic because of me today...;( She's my angel...Life is wonderful as long as there are people who make you want to live...:)

Long-Awaited Joys....or There is Always Something to Be Thankful For...

Hey there!

I know...I'm too late...I did not keep you posted. Maybe some of you even thought I could have NO reasons for joy...No way!!! Well, my days were different...but mostly because I've been a real busy bee, I couldn't drop a line...but I think I should try to keep my blog alive...:)

There are many things I'm grateful for these days:

1. I'm grateful for this July. I was looking forward to it. This is my favourite month ever. The month when my existense started. My start. My hopes. When I first opened my green eyes and probably cried for happiness...:)

2. I'm grateful for this shower of fruits and vegetables I enjoy every day! My lips don't even need any lipstick these days. :P Black and red currants do its job perfectly. Plus some cherries and apricots...So, no need for any artificial makeup. ;) And no one who'd need it. :D So, one more reason for joy! :D (Okay, here I'm kidding a bit since ladies always have to look as if they are admired by someone day and night...haha).

3. I'm grateful for my good friend who presents me so many sunny moments! I'm honoured to accept the greatest gift he brings me...his time...That is what he will never return...and this is what I will never be able to pay for...This is priceless. Like a sunray on my cheek.

4. I'm grateful for my electricity and the Internet connection! Some days ago I had a total dark time...due to a violent thundestorm I was cut off my web world...But I'm so happy it's back!!!!

5. I'm grateful for my patient lappy...my dear laptop. Some days ago it almost said goodbye to me...and I was close to a heart attack...but I'm so happy it's back...;) What would I do without it? ;) Without my clicking movements? ;) 

6. I'm grateful for my secret. :D haha...I have a big one...I can't share it with you...it's hidden deep...but it makes me happy....because it feels nice to be a part of something...something exciting! ;)

7. I'm grateful for my body. I often treat it cruelly...It serves me pretty actively, nevertheless...:) Today I have even made some physical exercises!

8. I'm grateful for my new hobby...who knows where it'll bring me to...:D I have made a little bracelet...It's not so good....but at least I have put a piece of me there...:)

9.....I'm grateful for my today. For my hope that may just stay hope forever...or be broken apart soon. But I have almost decided to enjoy the moment...No matter what....