Big Sister Joy

Today is 19 years since I last saw you. The last moment when I touched your eyelashes. When I last kissed you goodbye. That was a grey morning. I don't clearly remember everything. Everything was too tearful. I felt lonely and abandoned by you. You didn't say anything. Simply left me. Alone.



I am still missing you. Years haven't changed my loving you. My needing you. Now I look at the only picture of you left. You were smiling there. We're apart now. Just memories left. No one will take them away from me. No matter how many more years I'll have to live without you. I believe one day I may meet you.


I'm grateful for having my little sister. She's not with me anymore. She passed away in 1994. People say time heals. Maybe. It is easier now. But I still wish she were here, by my side. It was worth having  a sister. Even though we were destined to say goodbye. I'm grateful for all the good days I had with my little sister.

                             Left: Me with a doll.  Right:  my little sister Katia with a teddy bear

                                                   Me and my sister

                                            I was seven and my sister was five there

 Death doesn't change a lot. There's something stronger than that. This connection. It is invisible. But it is forever with me. It is what makes me wake up and smile. It is what makes me feel warmer when it's dull and frosty outside. I'm grateful for being forever a big sister. 

     HAPPY November Day or Nine Years Ago...

This is exactly nine years since my life has changed. Forever. There was not a single day when I wouldn't speak/write/listen to the English language. This day nine years ago I met my first native speaker friend and teacher. Nine years ago I still had no idea that I'd ever speak English, know many nice people from all over the world and become a translator and a little bit a teacher. I did not know English would ever bring me that far...

                                    Me, my dear friend Joel and my mom seven years ago...

I can't help but thanking God for everything. For the right moment, the right person. Everything is a like a big chain of happy events in my life. Everything is like a big complicated puzzle...Now I am just speechless looking back at all my challenges, at all those moments I never thought I'd ever experience and people I never expected to meet.
Today nine years ago I started my new era. I started my new today. Not all of my dreams have come true. But what I never dreamt of - is my reality now. I do not really deserve everything I have. Someone Above decided to make me happy. I didn't get the right functional legs or hands. I was supposed to be a couch potato for the rest of my existence. I was not expected to be independent at all. Now I can do pretty lots of things. English has give me the wings. I can fly with my thoughts. I couldn't come to most of my good friends. They came to me instead. My words have brought them to me.
There are some songs which are closely connected with that amazing time nine years ago - 

I am happy to be where I am now. I hope to be brave enough to change my life soon again. This part of me nine years ago will always stay with me.
I'm grateful for having English...I'm grateful for November 2004. I'm grateful for every person in my life I've met. I'm grateful for their patience with me. I'm grateful for being in love with languages. I'm grateful for just being. Life is beautiful. I know it now. :)

P.S. Today is ONE year since I've started my blog...I'm sorry for my huge pause. I didn't post my joys last month much. But I promise I'll catch up! ;) Just stay tuned up! ;)

         What I am Born to be Joy!

This Monday was a happy one for me. It has brought me my thirty minutes of true happiness. It has showed me again what I was born for. I am born to be an interpreter. I am born to bring the light of understanding where there is this loud darkness of silence. I'm born to be an invisible helper. I feel happy to switch my restless mind between different languages. 

I had my honour to be an interpreter for my friends from  the "Equal Opportunities" Club for people with disabilities in our city and English guests. It's funny - whenever I translate people's thoughts - I feel as if I can fly. I forget about my limits, my sorrows, my fear. I am just free. Like a fish in the ocean. 

I'm grateful to God for presenting me this day. For giving me this chance to choose the art of my love. For the English language. For angels on Earth like my friend Marianna. For strangers who smiled back at me without even knowing a single thing about me. For this miracle - my happy thirty minutes which is my happy eternity.

Happy me in Zaporizhzhia yesterday!

                                       Marinna's mom, Marianna and I  

              To Be a Translator Joy...

30th of September is my holiday. I have the right to celebrate it since 2005 when I planted a seed of my big dream...of becoming a translator, someone who's supposed to connect people, like the electricity which connects cities, countries, continents...When I look back I can hardly believe I have graduated from the university, obtained my two diplomas, survived many sleepless nights, cuddling with cough and fever, getting butterflies in my stomach before each and every exam...and now it's been almost three years since I'm an officially a translator...
My work makes me tired, sometimes stressed and annoyed but it's like being in love with someone - even he drives you crazy at times or breaks your heart - you love him not a little less. So, that's the same about my art of love. I'm grateful to God for being what I am today. For having my tools - dictionaries, the Internet, Skype...and most important - people who inspire me to keep on learning, teaching and raising up after every fall. I'm happy to play with words and clear out the sky for someone. ;) I am happy to rescue people who're lost in this huge world of languages....

                                             My Rainy Monday....

Honestly speaking I don't like these endless September rains. I feel stuck in my room. I feel like a disharged battery. I long for the sun...I know it's somewhere above - just behind these heavy sky blankets. But...alas! I can't reach it, cannot feel it. Only dream of it. That's what I have to do. Spend my time. Work. And...dream away. To my warm August days which slipped away. Forever. But I am happy about my summer. It was good. And my warm memories are forever with me. :) That comforts me. :) I'm a greedy memory holder! :D (I am sorry for my strange English! It must sound upside down!).

I'm grateful for my rainy day. For my good friend who made me feel sunnier. For being able to smile through my window that is covered with sky's bitter tears...

The Rain on My Cheeks

This Sunday I somehow managed to wake up early - in this silent darkness of my room. I went to church. On my way back I was caught by September rain. I felt some raindrops on my cheeks. It made me feel sad and happy. Both. Right away. 

The sky was crying. Maybe that was a message. Maybe. I don't know. I was happily walking home. To my warm nest. To my hot cup of tea waiting. To people who think the world of me. 

I'm grateful for being able to enjoy these last more or less warm days. For this rain. For feeling it on my cheeks. For feeling. It's better than to be a heartless piece of wood...

                             I am Here...

It is very important to be "here" even when I am miles and oceans away. I am happy to feel connected with people I care about. I don't know if they all need my "I'm here" but...I'm happy to be "here" whenever they want and need it.
Today I went to church and that was the first time ever I didn't see our priest since he has fallen seriously sick. It's very sad. But I was thinking of him while putting my candle. I hope he could feel that "I'm here".

I'm grateful for this autumn day. For my sleepy Saturday. For my autumn walk. For my warm blanket and some ice-cream. :D I'm grateful for some laughing moments with my parents. I'm grateful for a lovely conversation with my good friend. I'm grateful for needing some people. They are not always around the way I wish they were. But they are "here". Straight in my heart. Forever. It doesn't matter if they want it or not. :P I'm selfish here. I keep them inside my heart, mind and all my cells. ;) I wish I could always keep them away from any sorrows and be their sunshine when they feel gloomy. Well, I'm not always as positive as I may seem. But...whenever I think of people I do care about I feel nothing but a great ray of sunshine in my heart. 

                       Hand in Hand 

I'm grateful for my dad's hand. It's almost recovered. It is not really flexible yet, and he'll probably need some more months to make it as functional as it used to be but he can hold everything he couldn't for the past three months! He can hold my hand...:)

I'm grateful for having my hand in his hand. I'm grateful for God's help. For my friends who have been supporting me all this time. :) I'm grateful for hearing a smile of my dear friend on the phone. :) I'm grateful for being able to stand my long Friday. :) I'm alive. :)

Walking in the Rain....

These past days my mom and I had some crazy walks....in the rain. We were enjoying our short evening going out to our local train station.....In the Rain...Crossing big puddles of water...and I had a real impression like I was driving upon the sky...and tearful clouds...just like that!

 On our way I was stroking little calves who were childishly watching me and...then licking my palms...maybe they wanted to be a part of my life...I was sad to think of their future...and wishing we could be friends...real. Then when we came to the station we would see lonely figures of people waiting for their train to the city...standing in the drizzling rain...with their heads down...there was a girl who was seeing her boyfriend off...holding his hand. In the rain. And there were lots of free birds flying and singing in the rain. And the most beautiful picture of all- rainy clouds...this sky's blanket...Then the train approached...this snake...I feel extremely thrilled whenever I see a train. I am mad about its sound. I'm in love with it. I am born to be a traveller...it sucks to sit when my soul would just get inside that train...ahhhh....maybe one day...maybe. :) 

Our way back was silent. We were eating nuts. I was admiring the bright full moon that got stuck in the yellow tree.
I'm grateful for these rainy September evenings. For the raindrops on my palm. For coming back home. For my peppermint cup of tea. And for coming and finding that I was waited by someone online...That's happiness...

Tea Party Joy...or My Visit to The Club of Great Equal Abilities...:)

One cloudy Tuesday I went to a club my dear friend invited me a long time ago. It's placed inside a Jewish center. I was very curious to see it inside. I was thrilled about its elevator..:D I rarely enjoy elevetor rides...so that was a good reason to feel glad about! :)
As soon as I entered this building and met some girls on our way I felt like I knew everyone. It's a weird feeling. It only meant that I probably met the same easy-going and crazy dreamers the way I am myself...:)
That was a every unique opportunity for me to be among people whose physical abilities are limited but whose dreams have the biggest wings ever! :) I was happy to drink my cup of tea with sweets and discuss every day issues, talk of everything and nothing at the same time....

Here are my new friends - Inessa, Ksenia, Artem, a pretty girl (no idea of her name, oops!), Valya, her son Sergey, my sweet friend Marianna and my mom ...and our tea party! ;)

It can be that this meeting is the start of some new disability projects in my city. It can be that my voice could be heard one day. I don't really mean being filthy rich and famous! :D Hehe..I mean that hopefully one day people here  will see something more than my wheelchair and deformed body. I hope so. Even if it's naive to believe in it. I am a dreamer. So I have my excuse. :)

                                    Me and Marianna...with our...hmmm....new funny friend...:)


This same day I also had my greatest pleasure to visit Marianna's warm place. It was the third time I've visited her this year. I felt myself really at home thanks to Marianna's and her mom's kind hospitality. I enjoyed playing with her little pet named Kipusya (Guinea pig!). Marianna and I enjoyed some square delicious lunch and ....my diet had to be put off when I saw a yummy piece of a cheesecake! :D We were watching a movie, sharing our thoughts, holding tears back... and thinking of our big Universe...of being human beings...of love, faith and real friendship. :) 

My way back home was full of thoughts through the darkness. When we finally came back home I found a long-awaited letter with pictures from my dear friend. My heart was jumping for joy to see his little daughter! ;)
Then my day ended on skype...sharing my thoughts, my joys and me...

I'm grateful for having my day out, for meeting positive and warm-hearted people and for happy coincidences...happy events that usually turn into something great...something really wonderful. :)

Hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My JOYS are BACK! 

Perhaps you've had a mad idea that your friend Daria had finally run out of joys...:D No Way! I was just trying to survive in my ocean of work! I was sometimes in its very depth, keeping my head above the water, chasing some sharks away....:D But...I've survived!!! :) And now I'll try to refresh my blog's room, to sweep all the webs away... the problem is....could you just give me a hand and "welcome" spiders back outside since I can do nothing but scream whenever I see them?...:) I hope now you can breathe in easily, can't you? :)

The Summer is Gone...I'll miss it...forever. It was a very special time. The time when I was dreaming away. Some of my dreams came true, some did not really...But I am a hopeless dreamer...Still. :D

My last summer evening I spent outside. With my mama. With my second "flesh" as one of friends described one evening. :P We kindled a fire and took some ice cream...:D That was the way we said good bye to our sweet summer of 2013...The autumn did knock on our doors that very evening...so, I had to warm my old bones with our lovely neighbour's cat...:) 

I'm grateful for my summer I will always keep in my heart. I'm grateful for my plate of ice-cream and the best heater ever - a snow white kitty gently purring into my ear...I'm grateful for all my magical summer moments. For meeting some new people. For learning something new. For my peace. For my mosquito free time and for a really amazing choir of cicadas...

                                  FREE JOY

How much does a single joy cost? Sometimes it costs a lot - many sleepless nights, sleepy red eyes, aching back or waiting for ages....but usually most real joys are free of charge...:)

Today I am grateful for my free joy. For my free day. For having a wonderful chance to get enough sleep. For assisting my mom with making our breakfast. For making some cooking progress. For finally getting in touch with an old friend of mine I did not communicate for many years...That's so great to hear his happy news!
I'm grateful to a good friend of mine who found time of his life for me. I'm grateful for my wonderful Monday. I love Mondays...why? There is a special reason I'll stay silent about. ;) Shhh.....

It is great to be free. :) To wake up with a big smile on your face. To see a smile of someone in front of you. That's the greatest joy. And...it's almost free. :)

                       Sunday Evening 

This Sunday my mom and I had a little walk around our village. We stopped by a local pond...and I just opened my eyes...then closed them...then opened again...looked up into the sky and saw a beautiful cloud that was sinking into the water...

I'm grateful for this beauty around, for being a tiny part of this world, for having people who care for me. I'm grateful for being able to see this wonderful world full of wonders - a bird  happily singinging as if it were to live forever...and me and my mom - silently admiring this moment of life....

           My Butterfly of Happiness

Happiness is like a beautiful butterfly. It flies from nowhere and it steals all your words. It silently sits on your palm and you're so happy....and you're afraid of even breathing, so you're admiring this moment as if it were the moment of eternity...

I'm grateful for my happiness. For my happy moments. For my waiting. For the minutes I was counting down to. I'm grateful for everything. For all my funny and sad moments. For my happy time that will always stay with me. No matter what. 

I'm grateful for a great friend of mine who came to visit me. For a wonderful time we spent together. For learning something new about my friend I used to see on another side of the virtual world only. I'm grateful for our endless talks, evening walking together, for some little trips around our Cossack land, for cooking together, for the fire and the starry night. For this short but very special joy. It was like a real miracle. And then we had to say good bye. Maybe forever. Maybe for good. It makes me sad but also grateful. I'm grateful for our sunny memories that will be my sun when I feel cloudy. 

I'm grateful for my little castle trip. For touching the past of my land. For some new friends I've made during the trip. I'm grateful for my beautiful motherland. I'm grateful for these rare moments when I am out. For my bus trip. :) For watching funny clouds in the sky...For my mobile phone that was keeping ringing...

I'm grateful for my far away guests. It was something new for me. I enjoyed the time of my life - of being a translator even during eating! :D That was fun. I'm grateful for seeing something what I always failed to see....my happiness. My mom. My friends who are by my side. For my sweet bed that did not mind different Daria...happy or sad. :) 

Well, it's so hard to describe my butterfly of happiness to you. What can words express? Just a pure sound...If you could only see my inner self, you'd see a huge sunray. I'm grateful for my great August days...The green-blue joy forever...

Happy Waiting....

Tomorrow is uknown...now I imagine...nothing else is left...My future....what will it be like tomorrow? But it doesn't matter...I am so happy to wait. Even it this waiting means nothing. I am just happy. Happy to have a day I never expected to have. I am grateful for my waiting. For my silly joy. For my long walk today. For my teacher who tries to smile through tears even though she's so ill. 

I bravely look at tomorrow...the sun is slowly appearing through thick dark clouds...and I am alive...happy and...Shhh...I'll tell you later...maybe...:)

           A Cup of Coffee For the Rain

This quiet August evening...My mama and I are sitting on our green porch, sipping chicory coffee with milk. My mom is also talking to my grandpa on the phone. My thoughts are travelling away...where I will probably never be able to travel to physically...I'm thinking of someone. I wonder if my thoughts could ever reach this person by a light breeze through this person's hair?

 Then the sky started to cry...quietly. I really wished I could dance in the rain...or just sit in the rain. With my eyes closed. Feeling its pain. But that would make my mama think I went bananas...:D I mean that would make me look like I'm out of mind....forever...:D

I'm grateful for my rainy evening. For my red cup of coffee. For my mama sitting by my side. For my fast thoughts that are free of charge. :D 

Rainy Wake Up, Waiting for You, The First Time Ever, New Version of Daria or Life is Beautiful

I seem to be a lazybones blogger. Well, I have lots of wonderful excuses. Most of them are connected with my work, different activities around and some exciting events ahead…

So, let me summarize my new, freshly baked joys for you, please:

I’m grateful for my rainy Sunday morning. For this quiet rain without any grumpy thunder. I felt excited, staying in my warm bed. I was waiting for my dear friend to come along this day. I’m grateful for waiting. It’s wonderful to wait for someone. To count the hours and then minutes…and then this breathtaking moment of your friend in front of you…That’s like seeing a long-awaited rainbow after the sun wiped the sky’s tears away…

This Sunday was my great day. The day when I learnt a lot. Perhaps more than I have ever learnt. I was honoured to host a lovely friend of mine. She’s an artist. Inside and out. Her free soul is unstoppable. Her health difficulties might have made her forever isolated. But she is not. She’s a free bird. That’s what I have felt since our first meeting. This day was a great discovery for both of us. She has picked up some blackberries by herself for the first time in her life. She looked and sounded so thrilled and happy about it…And I felt so awkward and shy….because I don’t remember when was the last time I was so excited about picking up fruits by myself…I am grateful for this amazing lesson. I try to look at this world with her eyes a bit. To enjoy what I usually take for granted. My green garden, my freedom, my sunset….

I’m grateful for our ice-cream and milk cocktails party. For laughing together. For taking pictures of each joyful moment. For our hope to keep it like that forever. Simple but warm.

I’m grateful for my friend’s gentle hands who changed my “every day plain” look into a modern pretty cool girl. I was often close to bursting into laughter while she was putting some makeup on my face. I felt a bit unusual. I couldn’t really recognize myself. A new me. A new face of Daria…who’s the same hopeless dreamer and sun lover. Even with my new decorated nails. 

Hey...I don't feel like that's me...haha...But it's great to be a bit different at times! :P

I’m grateful for my morning miracle – I have finally managed to complete the bracelet for my dear friend. And that was almost the one I wanted…well, I believe one day I’ll be an expert of this new hobby of mine…And the miraculous part of it is I have made it within one hour! I just wanted to present it to my friend that day…and I didn’t want to wait…I loved this process  - of putting a piece of myself there…my dreams and hopes. My wonderful wishes for her. For someone who brightens up my every day. Even when it’s too cloudy.

I’m grateful for my new hope. For people who don’t let me fall. Who raise me up. Who make me see how beautiful life is. For God inside their hearts. For my pain-free days. For being able to move my body the way I do. For my stupid hopes. For happy waiting. For day-dreaming. For fighting with my laziness. For starring at the sky today. For flying into this sky with my soul. For stroking a neighbour’s kitty. For drinking coffee with my mom in our garden. For my dad’s successful final surgery. For being able to support him my way. For our connection. For my new day. For my new life. And…I must tell you that it’s worth living. As long as I see someone I love. As long as someone wants to love me. As long as this world needs me. As long as I can feel the sky…

I am Happy You Were, Broken Dreams, Dreams are Still Beating...Waiting...Funny Pizza, Coffee Greetings....

I am again awfully late with my joys! I am sorry. I am sorry I have perhaps made you think that I had NO joys...what would be the greatest lie of all! :) Let me tell you what made me happy all those days.

First....on July 24th I was celebrating the 25th birthday of my little sister who's not with me anymore. I can't touch her, nor speak to her. I can't hear her voice. She's gone. Somewhere where she's always in the sunshine, far away from fear, pain and our cruel and bitter reality. Away from cold rains. Away from stupid words. But it also makes me feel sad at times. I can't help missing her. Still. Many years are gone. She left me as a child. I think now she'd be a beautiful lady. She was truly pretty. Much prettier than I. :P It hurts to realize that she's too far away. But I do feel a piece of her inside me. Her smiles. Her tears. Our secrets. Our games. My teaching her to speak. My service of being her big sister...I am grateful for having my little sister. It doesn't matter it's over. She's forever with me. At least spiritually I still feel her close. Especially when I am sad. My life would be much emptier without her - my little angel. It is great to have a sister or brother. It's a special connection that can never be actually broken. Never. It's like the sun. It's warmth that is always up. Just close your eyes and feel it.

I'm grateful for some of my silly dreams. There was a day when my dreams were sort of broken, destroyed...It made me cry inside. My inner world became dark and rainy...BUT....miracles happen!!!!! Yesterday my dream came back to life!!! Well, it is still in the dark if my silly dreams are going to come true soon...Everything is too unclear and shaky. It's like hoping to fly like a bird when you reach a breathtaking top of the mountain...You never know...but you feel like you can do that. So, that's the way I feel about my dream. And I hope that it will come true in some ways. I am sorry for not telling you the whole thing. I can't do that yet. Probably later. Some parts. It's hard to speak of things  you feel speechless about....

I'm grateful for waiting. It doesn't matter if it's in vain. It's better to wait than to cut your wings...

I'm grateful for our new oven! :) Today my mom has bought a new one. So, we can bake everything we want to! ;) Our lunch was really gorgeous! My mom baked a funny pizza...Why was it funny? Because it included NO flour! ;) Just vegetables, some meat and lots of cheese! ;) I ate it at first with my fork as a real intelligent lady and ended up devouring it with my fingers, almost licking my plate...:D

I am grateful for my curious and chatty student who cheered me up a lot with his adventurous stories!

I'm grateful for my dear friend I support with English sometimes online. Her amazing personality and sense of humour make me forget all my stupid troubles. I feel alive whenever I hear her voice. :) I hope she feels similar about me. :D haha...Forgive me my modesty, please. :)

I'm grateful for my dear brother in Brazil who has sent me some real Brazilian coffee....:) I feel like my hair is smelling like coffee now...:D If you don't believe my words, just some and smell me. I allow you. :P

                     Read my Mind Joy

My main joy of Monday is - my prayer can be answered sooner than I ever could imagine...as soon as I had a very big dream, I suddenly saw it...sent to me! I can't now tell you anything in details, because my dream is still like  a baby, a bit helpless....but if it comes true completely, I will tell you more. :)

I'm forever grateful for Someone who can read my mind...for this glimmer of joy and hope. ;) For this sunray that swept the dusty darkness away from my heart....

I'm also grateful for this great variety of summer gifts I am enjoying these days...I'm grateful for my new friend who happened to have so much in common with me. :) I hope she knows I am talking about her now! ;)
I am grateful for my patient friends who are waiting for me for ages...:D I am grateful for being cared for...:)

My Collection of Joys: Cakes, The Cloud that Reminds You, the Joy packed in an Envelope and Silent Laughter...:)

I am again late with my joys' list. It never means like my days are empty or are not happy. Each day is like the whole life...constant fight of joy and sorrow...So, I try to live every single day as I'd live my life...I laugh and cry. I miss someone dear to my heart and feel like I am lost. Then again I see some dreams that come true....:)

Allright. My stupid thoughts aside. Let me share some of my joys with you.

I was delighted to see my friends last weekend. They came to me with their homemade cakes. They were delicious, so I had to forget about my no-bread diet for some minutes...:P
I'm grateful for their care...for sharing their life with me...For being there for me.
I'm grateful for my evening walk with my parents. We were just walking along our garden, then a nearby railway station. I was counting down the train compartments...and there were 56 of them! :O

And I was also admiring a beautiful cloud that was cuddling the rays of the sinking sun....and it reminded me the face of someone I miss...Strange but even clouds may transfer your thoughts into a very far away direction...

I'm grateful for this chilly July evening. For my parents caring of me. For their patience with me. For their love...

I'm grateful for this treasure. For my evening with those people I love so much....I am awful at showing my love. Never really do that. I should urgently change it....I really want to tell them how much I love them and how much grateful to them I am....

I'm grateful for this miraculous news I received from a good friend of mine...this joy is carefully packed in the envelope...and today I was very happy to see this joy! :)  I was happy to know that some post offices work on Monday since here it is so lazy...:P 

Maybe it's silly but even a waiting joy may also be another sort of happiness. And I still can never be sure that everything I hope for may ever come true. So, I have to enjoy what I have now. Just now. Tomorrow is not here yet. Not in my pocket yet. :)

I'm grateful for my patient back....Honestly speaking my back is not treating me kind these days...I am still grateful I somehow manage to work all day long. But I can't really laugh or sneeze now...:D Each of such movements sends my brain a pain message...:P So, I should better not laugh so far. I should better just smile. :) Pain may also be a sort of joy sometimes....am I crazy? No...pain makes my pain-free time happier...:) It's still better to feel pain yourself than to see how someone you love suffers....so, fighting with some pain myself is not that bad. :) It all means I am alive.

                                  My Unwritten Joys.....

Those days I was lazy to post anything about my joys...But there are some....be sure! Every day....even if my joy is super tiny and I need a microscope to see it...I still can do that...:)
So, what am I grateful for? I'm grateful for my dad who's at home now. Well, it's not always that easy as it seems...to stand someone who's dear to you...who's in pain or feels bored...But it's still nice to be together. To give it a try...after many years apart.

I'm grateful for my happy expectation. I'm silent. No details. If it comes true...I'll tell you later in August...BUT the first step is made...and now I just have to count down the days...to make some plans I hope will work...:) I am afraid of any failure. I'm afraid of any "won't". But...now I enjoy waiting. Waiting is wonderful. :)

I'm grateful for my tears of happiness. I'm grateful for my losing my weight a bit. Just a bit. :D
I'm grateful for my warm memories. For lots of fruits. For my laptop that despite some crazy moments managed to stay with me...:)
I'm grateful for my patient boss who magically can stand my silly mistakes...:D
I'm grateful for my new friend I've met. I feel like it's going to be another wonderful discovery. ;)

I'm grateful for staying. For my romantic ideas. :D For bringing some crazy ideas to some of my friends. For typing. For my pain-free day after some terrible backache some days ago. I'm grateful for believing in people and their kind hearts. I am happy people are better than I expect them to be...I'm grateful for being a small part of their life...

           The Happiest Happiness Ever....

12th of July is the best day of my life this year...First: I'm one year wiser and maybe a bit more beautiful! :P

This morning I opened my eyes to a new me...a 27-year old green-eyed girl...and I have noticed that my set of silly and slightly naive dreams is unchanged...:) Like a curious kido I opened my birthday gift being still in bed...

I have started my 27th year with a wonderful church service....I'm fortunate to be born on St. Peter and Paul's day. This year I had the greatest luck ever to be a  part of the holy communion - the body and blood of the One who loves me no matter what. Even when I feel sleepy and don't feel like talking...

                                                          Me and my flowers...

When I came back home I was flooded with flowers from people who had the best memory ever...:D

Then I was kissed and hugged by those caring people who have enough place in their hearts for me...:D They have made me feel like VIP! ;) At such moments I don't know what to say...It's better to be a silent listener then...What can I say when my heart is crying for happiness? 

                                                            My parents and I
Later this day my parents and I went to the city...we had the time of our life together - laughing, talking, taking pictures. I miss those times when  we often did it together...and that was like a happy coming back to our past...This moment alone was worth being born! ;) Then I met with my sweet friend Marianna and her mom. We had much fun with our cameras and drinking cocktails in the Lviv cafe...:) It's funny but my 27th birthday went absolutely alcohol-free way...and I didn't regret it....

                                                Me and my dear friend Marianna

Our happy birthday party was also brightened by my dear former university mate Iryna. She came to wish me a happy birthday and I felt like on a real cloud nine....She's a sunny girl. 
:)

                                                      Me, Iryna and my mama


The greatest and the loveliest surprise was waiting for me in the evening...When I came back home and opened my email box...I found...what I was dreaming of for the last nine  months....My dearest friend and his wonderful wife became parents of a beautiful baby-girl that very day...on my birthday!!!! So, this girl and I are forever connected...;) And now I dream of telling her how happy I was that day, when she just arrived...She is my birthday present...The best one I have ever received in my life...I couldn't even fall asleep half of the night...so excited I felt! 

                                                  Me and my presents...happy me...
I'm grateful for my 12th of July...for my happy day I will never forget...for my friends who care for me and even for those who forgot about my birtthday or never knew of it...I still feel happy to receive "Happy belated birthday" messages...:) I'm just happy to be loved. Even by those who hardly know me. Who don't know how mean I can be...:P

                                                                 My cocktail...
I'm the happiest 27-year old girl now....at least in Ukraine...I'm very happy. I'm forever grateful. Even if it was my last birthday, I'd say I am grateful...maybe I'll have many more ahead...this one was still special!

                                                  Me and my mom...feeding birds...

I'm grateful to God for everything...For my being. For those who make my being happier. For those who have no idea how much they mean to me. For those I miss so much but never dare to tell them about it...for those who mean the world to me. For my sunny days. For my family. For my flowers. For my presents. For an amazing weather. For my life the way it is. And for my new dreams....:) Maybe crazy ones...but I'd try to follow them...Don't even try to hold me back...:P Good? ;)

                     My last 26th Joy....:)

It's great to be young...it's great to be only (already?) 26 years old...:) It's great to dream about things that may never come true...it's cool to dream no matter what. Even when it's silly. Even when it makes no sense....

I'm grateful for my busy day. For my family who's home safe&sound. For my friend who thought of me today his wonderful way. For my friend whose sense of humour made my evening extra happy. For our planning something together. For my last 26th evening...;)

                                 I Stand

Today I had to fight again...And again with my greatest enemy ever - myself...a girl who's so stubborn and whose mood is like a strong May thunderstorm wind...My battle was severe...it's like fighting with no hope to win...BUT so far so good...I'm a winner. :D I have won. I have returned my calm and sunny weather. ;) 

Well, I hope my post doesn't make you all scared. :D There are no voices in my head yet. :D I am just me. A very complicated person who has to fight against some things around...But no worries! I'll keep on doing so. I'll smile. :) I'll stand. Even if I fall one hundred times...:)

I'm grateful for my sunny day. For my first bite of sweet melon. For bringing my good mood back. :) For my hope. For my prayers which I hope will be answered...

                       Dreaming And Butterflies

Today I was flying with my new dream...:) That's a bit unrealistic today. My dream requires a special diet for my pocket I can't afford yet. :) But...dreaming alone doesn't hurt, does it? Huh? 
Today I had this happy butterfly moment...;) That's worth waiting for. :)
And today I finally could call some of my good friends who have been patiently waiting for me...
I'm grateful for my dream that fuels me with some energy to go on...I'm grateful for my lovely butterfly...I'm grateful for my patient friends...and I'm grateful for my kind friend who was in panic because of me today...;( She's my angel...Life is wonderful as long as there are people who make you want to live...:)

Long-Awaited Joys....or There is Always Something to Be Thankful For...

Hey there!

I know...I'm too late...I did not keep you posted. Maybe some of you even thought I could have NO reasons for joy...No way!!! Well, my days were different...but mostly because I've been a real busy bee, I couldn't drop a line...but I think I should try to keep my blog alive...:)

There are many things I'm grateful for these days:

1. I'm grateful for this July. I was looking forward to it. This is my favourite month ever. The month when my existense started. My start. My hopes. When I first opened my green eyes and probably cried for happiness...:)

2. I'm grateful for this shower of fruits and vegetables I enjoy every day! My lips don't even need any lipstick these days. :P Black and red currants do its job perfectly. Plus some cherries and apricots...So, no need for any artificial makeup. ;) And no one who'd need it. :D So, one more reason for joy! :D (Okay, here I'm kidding a bit since ladies always have to look as if they are admired by someone day and night...haha).

3. I'm grateful for my good friend who presents me so many sunny moments! I'm honoured to accept the greatest gift he brings me...his time...That is what he will never return...and this is what I will never be able to pay for...This is priceless. Like a sunray on my cheek.

4. I'm grateful for my electricity and the Internet connection! Some days ago I had a total dark time...due to a violent thundestorm I was cut off my web world...But I'm so happy it's back!!!!

5. I'm grateful for my patient lappy...my dear laptop. Some days ago it almost said goodbye to me...and I was close to a heart attack...but I'm so happy it's back...;) What would I do without it? ;) Without my clicking movements? ;) 

6. I'm grateful for my secret. :D haha...I have a big one...I can't share it with you...it's hidden deep...but it makes me happy....because it feels nice to be a part of something...something exciting! ;)

7. I'm grateful for my body. I often treat it cruelly...It serves me pretty actively, nevertheless...:) Today I have even made some physical exercises!

8. I'm grateful for my new hobby...who knows where it'll bring me to...:D I have made a little bracelet...It's not so good....but at least I have put a piece of me there...:)

9.....I'm grateful for my today. For my hope that may just stay hope forever...or be broken apart soon. But I have almost decided to enjoy the moment...No matter what....

                         Good Bye Joy

I can't lie and tell you that I love saying goodbye. I usually hate it. I'm not good at it. I have never attended any goodbye courses. :(

Today I am grateful for saying goodbye. One of my devoted students came to say goodbye. And even though I'm sad we won't have any lessons together anymore, I'm filled with pride and joy to see her now, her new world I am a part of. I really hope she'll be happy. I look forward to seeing her bright career. I have no doubts she'll do her very best. :)


Goodbye is heartbreaking...but each single goodbye carries a candle of hope about the next meeting...:)

                       Warm-Hearted Joy

Today I am touched and happy. I'm grateful for having some people in my life. They have made me believe in kindness again. They have helped me today. I did not want to accept their help. I don't feel like I am someone who "must" be helped. As long as I can move somehow around and bring some bacon home...why should I be assisted? But my joy was not ruined...It can be compared with an evergreen garden in my heart...and a rainbow across the sky...

It is a real miracle to feel someone's warm heart. It's a message that we are loved. It is a sign of Love that is waiting for us all above...its short SMS....

If you ask me, I prefer to give than to accept...than to take...I am happy when I can give myself 100%. Without any change...without anything left for myself. That makes me feel somehow complete...Today I have learnt another joy...joy of accepting. Of being helped. Of realizing how warm-hearted people are sometimes...It's what can never be measured. It can only be felt. If your beating motor can feel at all...and I am sure it can. ;) Just listen to it....good? ;)

                 The Light Miles Away

Today I had my second hot day...:) I was walking on air to refresh my boiling blood with some ice-cream...

Thanks to my good friend I forgot about my hot isolation. :D Our serious cooperation inspired my lazy sleepy brain cells for some activities. :)

This evening I went out. I looked up. I saw my old friend. My star. A big and bright one... I wonder if this star can ever see the light of my eyes...will it ever reach it? But I sent it my message...I just asked it to care for someone who's also miles away. Someone I may never meet...or...maybe...maybe maybe...

It's wonderful to feel yourself so small in this huge universe but to be cared for...It's a real miracle to feel this deep connection to something and someone so far away...So nice to see the light...even if your own light will reach it in millions of years....

              HOT Happiness...:)

Well, I'm melting....sweating and feeling like getting rid of anything warm, my clothes included. :D But since I'm honoured to live in our developed society I have to obey its strict rules. 

That means: clothes on, keeping a fresh smile and looking cool....What made me cool down a bit is a friend of mine who was wearing his warm pair of socks...:D Well, that's cute...

I'm grateful for this hot day. I was dreaming of this hot breezing when cold winter was cuddling me with its frozen arms...My dream has come true. My lungs find it tricky to dance their usual waltz but happiness often makes you feel the same...No oxygen...just joy...that is more than just breathing. :)