Thank you, 2012! I’m already in the future!

Today I said goodbye to 2012…I’m grateful to this year of my life. This year I made some of my dreams come true, met some very special people, found someone very unique…

This day I was happy to decorate our New Year’s tree. I did it as usual with my papa. I loved this moment that brings me back to my childhood.

                Me and our New Year's tree my dad and I were decorating together...

I saw some of my dear friends today. I’m really grateful for this! I’m very tired now after a glass of champagne. :)

 Well, I’m not drunk but a bit sleepy. I’ll go on celebrating in my dreams.

I’m grateful for my new dreams. I’ve already made some resolutions I’ll share with you later.

Happy New Year to everyone who’s reading my blog of joys!

  My Happy 2012...Dedicated to all my good friends that make my life complete!

                                          No Expectations

People often expect too much. Many of us really believe they deserve something. We often expect other people to feel the same what we do. And when our expectations get ruined, we fall into a great pit of depression and endless sadness.

Today I woke up and realized that what I had seen was nothing more but a night dream. It was exactly what I want. It was exactly what I’d be happy to expect. But I am not so brave to expect it in my reality. Well, I may hope. As one of my friends told me today “no one forbids us to dream. We should not give up”. I don’t know if I am ready to use this statement in my life. It’s not that I would not dream. I’ve told you in my previous message what a dreamer I am.

Once again I have realized that no expectations (don’t confuse it with no dreaming!) does make you free of unnecessary blues. It’s better to do everything without any expectation. No big ideas of the future to be formed the way you want it. Sometimes it’s just better to enjoy your present moment. Now. And it doesn’t matter if your dream is silly. Don’t expect it to come true. But go for it. Enjoy its melody, the melody of what you love doing.

I’m grateful for having no real expectations. I’m breathing now. I’m loving now. And tomorrow will be tomorrow. No idea what it will bring. I hope something new and happy. But now I’m warmed by my happiness. 

                                A Hopeless Dreamer…

I’m a dreamer. A hopeless one. Yeah.  My dream list is endless. I believe some of my dreams are never destined to come true, but the funny thing is I don’t want to plant this realistic thought into my dreamy restless mind. ;-)

Today I was enjoying a golden morning in my bed. I was daydreaming. I was thinking of someone I really want to meet one day. I imagined our meeting. A nice flower. A sunny smile. A friendly handshake. A warm hug.

Now I don’t want to think that all my dreams might just stay dreams. Now I want to enjoy the moment. And I am happily cherishing each single happy minute I have.

Today I even did what I usually never do. I showed my care. Well, my way. A weird one. But mine.

Well, I’m sorry my writings are silly today. It is not because my day was uneventful. No. I had a wonderful December day. But it’s not a diary. It’s just my collection of thoughts and wandering reflections that are not made up.
I’m grateful for my dreams that keep me alive. I’m happy to imagine what I  do not have yet. I am happy to see some of my dreams slowly becoming a reality. I am looking forward to my big dream to come true. Let’s see and wait if it really happens! 

                           A Bundle of Joy on the Way...

Today I got the greatest news ever. I’d say it’s the happiest news of the year and even maybe some years. That’s for sure. My very good friends shared their happy news with me…Next year they are going to become happy parents! At first I could not believe my ears! I thought I just misheard it. But NO! My ears got it right. Well, sounds crazy but I can’t wait to see this lovely baby I already love! I really look forward to publishing the joy of a new human being soon. ;-)

Today I was also feeling something special. One very special person in my life presented me some time and care. I was really happy and I don’t need anything else, maybe. I see today that I am perhaps very undemanding. I don’t need any great gifts or any special words. I just need one sign of care. That’s really enough. Enough to feel myself in the seventh heaven or higher.

I’m grateful for the happiness of today. For a new dear person who’s on the way to arrive next year. I’m happy to hear the voices I really miss. And I’m happy to see the faces I love. I’m really happy today.

Happiness is not having everything. Happiness is not having lots of money. Happiness is not being surrounded with many friends. Happiness is to love and to feel loved. Happiness is just a moment. Like a bird that sits on a brunch and flies away just in a second. But this moment of happiness is worth the whole life. 

                                                         Imperfect Joy

It is difficult to be perfect or ideal. There were times when I really strived to become one, to belong to this group of “special” people. Now my priorities are changed. I do not dream of being perfect anymore. Well, I would not mind being better than I am today. I would be very happy to be a better human being than I am now. I really hope I will one day.

Today I received a little email from one of my good friends I have never met for real. He wrote something that almost made me cry. He wrote “You don’t need to be perfect”. Well, sure he is very kind to me. But I believe what he wanted to say is I am the way I am and people who love me, love me for the way I am. No for the way I am not. I feel myself really blessed to have people who accept me as I am. Imperfect. With my physical challenges, with my terrible character, with my crazy ideas of life.

I am grateful for people who are able to see me as I am. And who even see things I don’t see about myself. They somehow manage to see something ideal for them. :-) I am so happy to feel their honest care. It is so easy to love someone perfect. But it usually takes great efforts to love someone’s good and negative sides. Or maybe the great mystery is when you care about your friend you do not care that much about her\his imperfectness? I am happy to be imperfect.  

                                        This video I also got today from my friend. I love it! 
                It's  in German. The end of it is: "No one is perfect. Life sometimes can be".

No Light. Cuddling With My Best Friend. Silence. Fighting Sparrows

Powercut. That means I cannot do my usual things. I cannot work. I cannot fulfill my translator’s functions of building bridges between wide oceans.

Luckily, my best friend does not need any electricity. Even no batteries. My friend has no limbs. But my friend still can cuddle me. Even let it be an invisible cuddling. Here if you still do not get my metaphor, I mean a book. Today due to the absence of electricity, I made myself comfortable in my bed nest and entered the world of a new book. That was a German book presented by my good friend. I felt terribly lazy to use my heavy paper dictionary, so I simply ignored the words I could not fully comprehend. But I am happy to boast of understanding most of the book. It fills me with some hidden pride.

It was cool to read a book in my half-dark room. Then when the darkness covered my room with its grey cloak, I started to look through the window. I could see some funny sparrows that were fighting for the food. One sparrow was especially naughty. I could not help commenting about his nasty behavior aloud.

Later the electricity came back. And my usual life pace is back. The silence is gone. I am again ready to play a role of a busy grumpy grown up (my glasses help me to look so!).

I’m grateful for this moment of inconvenience I had today without any electricity. I am grateful for lots of books I am always hungry for. ;-) I am grateful for my silent day. For my afternoon catnap. I am happy to look for small joys. I hope I’ll be an expert of joys one day. You’re welcome to join me or give me any more pieces of advice.

                                               Laughing Escape

I love to laugh. I am maybe even talented at laughing. If there were a laughter competition, I’d probably be the winner of it. Laughing is what I do when I feel happy, just glad, or when I am in love. Sometimes I laugh when my tears are trying to make their bitter way out of my green eyes.

Today many of my good friends are celebrating Christmas of our Lord Jesus Christ. I am Greek Orthodox, so I’ll celebrate this great day on the 7^th of January.

Today I did what I didn’t do for many days since I’ve been sick. I was watching some short comedies online. Some English ones. And I was almost laughing my head off. Well, I forgot all my sorrows. My laughter helped me to escape into the world of real joy. And what I like about laughing is –it makes me feel better in all senses!

I am grateful for this moment of laughter I enjoyed today. I am grateful for some moments of carefree chats I had today. I am grateful for having a bad memory for problems. :D I am grateful for being a silly romantic person at times. 

                The Morning Without Any Cough

Yeah….This morning I woke up and heard silence. Silence in my breathing. Well, it’s not really melodic yet. But…what really matters is – I did not cough for the first minutes of my morning! I am happy to become slowly me.

 I even did not take my coughing syrup that much. I enjoyed my working routine. I am not one hundred percent me. I still need to overcome some of my new health issues. But at least no coughing my head off in the morning is a great reason to send a smile to the universe.

I’m grateful for my silent morning. I’m grateful for my warm blanket and hot-water bottle that keep my feet warm. I’m grateful to God for keeping me here for a while. 

                           Sharing Voices and Laughter

Speaking has been always a great part of me. It represents myself. It is often my feet. My voice can run and dance. My voice does not need any make up. Just a good mood and someone to share my voice with. Someone who wants to talk to me. To be on the same wavelength with me and my world.

As you know I’ve been under the weather what means  my voice is not the best these days. I cannot sing. Even if you give me 1,000 000 US dollars. :-) I often feel like getting inside my bronchi and cleaning it with a vacuum cleaner. That would certainly help me! Don’t you think so?

Today I had a great moment of happiness when I enjoyed using my powerful (a bit broken nowadays) voice! One of my good friends called me on skype. We did not talk to each other for ages, so it was something special to hear his voice and to share our news. Funny but we always had reasons to laugh. It’s not so easy for me today. But  I can delightfully assure you that I am almost able to speak and laugh today! Those minutes of our voices mixed made me really all smiles. And for some single moments I forgot that I am actually sick.

I’m grateful for my minutes of speaking today. I can’t wait to get rid of my cough and running nose! I’ll be happy if you keep on your kind prayers about me! 

           Kingdom of Snow or Night Dances…

Today I woke up deep in snow. Yeah. Totally snowed under. Snowflakes were on my hair, my hands and even on my eyelashes…Well, for a second I thought I’d turn into a princess of snow. :) But when I opened my eyes I realized my room was only reflecting the snow outside. (I was free of snow! So, no fear! ;-) I might have told you I do not like snow now. But this morning I enjoyed being a little girl who loved snow. I only wish I could go outside but my coughing friend does not have gloves, so I had no choice but to admire this snowy fairy tale through the window.

I’m grateful for coughing not so much today. I’ve been still punching other enemies but I’m over the moon to tell you that I’m almost me again. Almost won my battle.  :) I hope I’ll say goodbye to my cough soon too. I don’t even want to kiss it goodbye. Just a short English “bye” will be enough.

 Now I am happy I am coughing. It shows me how precious my ‘no’ cough moments are. Especially when I sleep. These days I’m regularly woken up by my cough who really enjoys dancing with my lungs. My lungs are professional dancers now, though. ;-) 

                        My World Is Not Ended Yet…

Hi! I was happy to find my world still with me this morning when I opened my eyes. Well, I don’t mean I’d believe in such stupid predictions about  Armageddon-2012… One day it will happen. But no one can really know this special date! For many of us this day will arrive sooner…for some later.

Today  I am really happy to realize myself alive, slowly recovering. No fever. Still coughing. But that’s a sign of life, isn’t it?

I should keep my strength now, so I won’t write much today.

I am grateful for my new day, my new joy, my new moment of life.

P.S. My flu does  not make me happy at all…but there is one positive thing about being sick – I can suddenly see how many people I know (and do not even know) ask me every day about my health. That warms my heart so much. :)

               My Fever-Free Morning! Oh, I was a winner…

I was so happy to wake up and feel my “hot” friend away. ;) I mean my fever. I even checked it with my thermometer. And for the first time of three days my fever was finally away…

Later this day it came back again. But I am anyway happy.

I was happy to work a bit today. I miss my usual activities.

I was happy to talk to one of my good friends. That talk was also a great elixir of health.

I should stop here. My body is still regularly shaken by coughing. I hope I’ll be able to cuddle with my warm blanket and enjoy some hours of carefree sleep.

I am grateful for my dear mama. She has been so caring to me. And so patient. I hope one day I’ll be able to make her happy.

              Joys of Someone Else or I am happy because you are…

Yesterday I might have brought some of you some dull thoughts. I did not post anything here. I was not even online. I did not even switch on my lovely lappy.

I was fighting with myself, lying in bed, watching a holiday show on TV – many happy faces, people dancing and feeling happy. And just for a minute I felt so cold and lonely. My eyes wanted to rain. But my eyes were already too red. Then I quickly found a reason of joy. I was happy to realize that many people I care about very much and even those strangers on TV are healthy and happy…And that’s much better than if they were keeping me a sick company!  

I am grateful to feel your care. Some of you do not know me so well but I was so touched to receive your get well wishes. Thanks to your prayers I’m feeling slightly better. Well, I’m afraid of saying “I’m feeling much better” because  my fever is still chasing me. I am running away from it. I am trying my very best! :) :) :) 

                     I am still alive!
Hey there! I know some of you are praying for me and wishing me a very soon recovery! I’m really grateful to everyone of you, even those people I do not maybe know.

I’m still feeling under the weather, fighting with fever, trying to stop the flood of my running nose and coughing quakes! All in all, I could even work today despite my very unpleasant condition. I’ll be honest – I don’t feel happy about being sick like this. But I am happy  I do not ‘enjoy’ such coughing moments every day of my life!

My coughing has clearly showed me how strong I actually am. ;) Well, sure it’s all thanks to God’s help and your kind prayers and thoughts about me.

I hope I’ll share more joyful joys with you tomorrow. I hope to get rid of my flu of whatever it is very soon.

I am grateful for my current condition. It also teaches me a lot. I should really cherish my healthy days more!

P.S. Just now I was very happy to speak with Alan Dean - a BBC correspondent! I am so so so happy!!! I am surprised I could speak at all after coughing so much....Well, I guess I said something silly but Alan was very kind to me! I really hope that was just a start of crazy life adventures! ;)

                                            Helping Hands

Today I am happy to feel the greatest warmth one could ever imagine – my mom’s caring hands. I hate to see fear in her eyes and this “Let’s call a doctor” sentence.

 I don’t know what I’d ever do without her love. She’s also being “cuddled” by cough  but she never shows her pain. She’s the strongest. I am the weakest. But I am lucky. I am lucky to feel her care that works like magic. I can be weak with her. I can be the way I am. No pretending. No show. No play. I’m me with my mama. She feels me. So, it’s extremely difficult to make her believe that I’m feeling better when I am actually not.

I’m again short today. I’m still out of order. Like an old white-and-black TV set. :-)

I’m grateful for my column of strength at the times of troubles – my mama. God bless her forever! 

                    Coughing earthquake in the nest…

My coughing quakes are still shaking me up and down. Even now I am coughing twenty times a minute while typing these lines. Lucky you are you cannot “get” my coughing infection via the Internet. :P Even if you beg me day and night about this great honour. :) Coughing loves me very dearly. Today I have again felt it. ;-)

My joy is short today but it does not make it unimportant: I am like a bird in the nest today and I’m really grateful for this! I’ve been staying in bed today, trying to keep myself warm. Winter is getting crazier and crazier here! It’s extremely frosty (up to minus 15C!) and is stormy here. My sleeping room is not as warm as it was a day ago (plus 20C!) but I’m lucky to have my two blankets! And…I’m happy to have my hero-friends – some orange flavoured lollipops! They at least make my cough to be “gentler” with me.

I hope I’ll be able to close my eyes this night. If I manage this hard job, that means I’ll have another reason of happiness of today! ;)

Stay warm there and away from my coughing friend! ;) And that also means – stay away from coughing Daria. :-P

P.S. I've almost forgotten to mention about my today's victory! One of my facebook friends thinks that my English pronunciation is understandable! He has announced me as a winner. I was reading a poem aloud (wow that was before I started to cough!) and my version is considered to be nice. I'm happy!!!!!!!!!!! 

                                        My Snowflakes of Joy

It takes just a single second for a snowflake to melt on your palm. It is absolutely the same with joys. It certainly is. They are usually destined to be a moment, but a breathtaking one you will not be ever able to cross out of your mind.

Although I’d rather describe my December morning as an earthquake of “myself” (due to my never ending cough) I experienced a very special moment. On my way to the church today I was silently admiring the magic in the air – the dance of snowflakes in the frosty air. It was a cold dance of crystals – beautiful and free. Like true love that never possesses...

This morning my soul was touched by the Light. The Light of Hope and Love. I am grateful for being able to feel it this morning. I was happy. Silently. And completely.

This very afternoon I again dived my mind into reading some wise things. I am grateful for this travel of my mind. I am grateful for those moments of thinking. I enjoy discovering something I never noticed before. That was exactly the day I have realized something really important.

Then all of a sudden I read some very happy news. This is not "my" happy news. It does not even belong to me. But I feel myself walking on air now. I was all smiles. I was ready to sing. I am grateful for my prayer to be answered today. I was really looking forward to this message. I imagined it’d be this way. But I did not know for sure. Only hoped. And today I see – “never say never”. We should never give up. Real joy is not based on what you want. But what makes someone you care about happy. This is it. The happiness of someone else.

Today I also had the time of my life with my dear brother. He is not my native brother. But I really feel him “my family”. He lives on a different continent. He has never seen snow. He has not hugged me yet for real. But the way he cares about me is a great reason of my happiness. Since 2007 and till this very day. Tomorrow and forever. I am happy to be his little sister he accepts the way I am. I am grateful to you for your friendship, Vail! 

This evening was also magically happy. I heard the coughing of our gates…and a loud greeting of our local Santa..:D Haha…that was our dear happiness messager – our postwoman. She brought me a little parcel from one of my great friends who thinks of me every day.  I am not so materialistic. I am the same happy to get a simple postcard. But what really makes me happy is to feel someone’s thoughts about me, someone’s kind energy that knows no barriers.

My day was really great. I am grateful for each moment of it. I am still recovering. I am not one hundred percent back to my normal life style. But I am alive. I hope God will give me a chance to do something good before He welcomes me back. I really hope so. 

And today I am truly happy. :)

                                                     Helpless Joy

Our planet is like a faraway star among millions and trillions of other planets in the endless universe…

A baby that has just arrived in our huge world is so helpless. One feels helpless to say sorry after one s\he wanted to say that  is already gone…

Today my student brought me some mandarins and a lemon.  Last week she passed her English test very successfully. Her victory is my happiness too.

Then my friend, my former university mate called me and told me her happy news. And again  - she shared a huge piece of happiness with me. Like a delicious piece of cake.:)

I’m helpless with my cough and other life circumstances. When I think about how actually helpless I am – my fingers get immediately frozen. Such thoughts of my tomorrow make me scared.  

Today I am grateful for being helpless.  If I were stronger, I would never understand how wonderfully I am cared for. Our planet is in very strong arms.

I am very happy to feel this warm circle around me that protects me every second. I am happy for having my parents, my grandpa and my dear friends who called\messaged me today. They all make me feel happy to be helpless…

Let me introduce you my dear friend…Bronchitis! :P

Yeah, here I am again…this time being cuddled and squeezed by my old friend – bronchitis. This was my first problem I had to face at the age of two months old. And since that time I often cannot escape its sticky embraces! Well, what can I do?

My joy is I haven’t coughed for 366 days…so it seems like I am better at deceiving my old friend. :) Does it perhaps mean I am getting older and as smart and cunning as a fox? ;)

Today I was also enjoying a very sophisticated written sharing of thoughts with one of my facebook friends who seems to watch my blog. :) He was kind to waste his precious time with me, someone whose thoughts are often confused and lost in a total mix of languages. We were tasting the words and their meanings.

It is slowly time for me to fly into my world of dreams. Where I ride the most beautiful horse and play a harmonica. The melody of it is chasing me. Time to leave.

I’m grateful for my new day of journey. I am grateful for a great deal of patience of people around me. I’m grateful to be in peace. I’m grateful for loving.  And for being loved. I do not need much. I just hope my bronchitis will kindly shake my lungs goodbye and next week I’ll have more reasons to be happy about! I am happy now too, though. I can type and even work. I am able to smile and I am able to hope. :) 

A storm of joys in a teacup….

It’s extremely stormy here these days. It’s been sleeting here for several days. It’s like my life. :D Sometimes tears, sometimes laughter. It’s a great mixture. It’s what one calls life. This great gift I was once honoured with when I came from “nowhere” into this beautiful world.

Today I am very happy and let me say even thrilled! I received a message I was really looking forward to! If things go right, this message may result in a nice surprise for most of you next week or maybe a bit later. ;) I’ll definitely let you know. I can only give you a tiny hint – it is connected with BBC World Service! ;) I was almost jumping today when I got the reply!!! Well, I hope in a week time I won’t do anything silly or childish. Anyway, you’ll forgive me, won’t you? ;)

I wish I could tell you more but I prefer to keep it half-silenced until it really happens! Just keep an eye on my blog if I’ve  made you curious! ;)

I am grateful for my new day. A special day. Well, not a big deal, but I am fortunate to be that human being who lives on 12.12.2012. :) A chance to experience something like this day is very low. Only if I invent an elixir of eternal youth what is also really unlikely. :):))

This evening I had my great joy of chatting with a good friend of mine. I always forget about time with these chats. I forget  everything that makes me sad. I am just happy.

Today one of my greatest friends said to me that my life seems so happy according to my blog. :))) Her words made me smile. I believe she’s right. My life is happy. I could make it maybe better. But I truly enjoy what I have. I am super lucky to have some people around who make me feel happy

.
Happiness is never lonely. It always requires at least two people. Even if you’re so many kilometers away.
Well, I am sorry if my joys are unclear today. I feel like this stormy wind outside is bringing something new my way.  Maybe a huge Santa’s bag? Let’s see and wait! I hope you don’t mind some patient waiting with me, your friend or stranger Daria! Sometimes waiting is also a great element of happiness!!!

My Romantic Morning or Smiles are Worth a Thousand Words or How I Flew to Spain

My morning was really vibrant! Even with my eyes closed I could feel how my bed was gently vibrating…there was a sound that magically  lulled me back to my land of dreams…suddenly my feet felt something soft and warm…what could that be? Guess what? Ah, you’ll never know…When I opened my eyes I saw …two neighbours’ kitties enjoying their morning “cat”nap on my feet. :D Haha…Yeah. My mom could not help welcoming these sweet beggars into the house since they were jumping onto my window…:D  (they have been doing it for several days! ;-) Well, I could not imagine a better wakeup. Maybe I would not be totally against a prince charming with a beautiful rose but since he’s still on his way, I am the happiest to be woken up by two lovely purring gentlemen!

My afternoon was brightened by my little friend I help with English. He’s ten years old. And now he’s the best English learner in his class! I feel so proud of him! Tomorrow he’s taking his English test. I look forward to hearing his happy news!

Later this day I also had a guest. My chemistry teacher came to wish my mama happy belated birthday. She brought a nice greeting card and some money. She’s away from being rich, so her gift is especially touching. I am happy to realize I am lucky to know such people like her. I am happy she is. I am happy she teaches me a lot. And it does not always have anything to do with chemistry.

This evening I took a skype airplane and visited my dear friends from Spain – my dear friends who’re gifted at making me smile. Always. No matter how gloomy I might feel.  They always infect me with joy and happiness. The first symptom of this contagious infection is my non-stop smiles! Conchi and Sergio were sharing their family pictures with me. We were laughing and talking about lots of simple things. Although we’re miles away, I felt myself sitting in their warm and cozy room. Then I had a crazy urge to take a picture of this happiness! My friends gave me kindly a permission to publish the taken picture here.  I am sure I’ll look at this picture everytime Mr. Sadness knocks on my door. 

My dear friends from Spain...Wow...This is what I call a picture of happiness. When nothing else matters...

I am grateful for my purring morning. I am grateful for my dear mama who is the best cook in the world (she made my day with her pelmeny (sort of ravioli) stuffed with fish!). I am grateful to have people who care of me. Who remember me. Who warm me with their smiles. Thank you!!!

P.S. It’s still terribly windy. I am grateful for my warm room!!! I feel like a bird in a nest. :)))

Pink Sunrise and Happy Come Back!

Today I was an early bird. Or I’d better say I was an annoyed owl. :-)  My papa was leaving this morning, so we had our morning breakfast together. It was 7.30. Even though I was terribly sleepy, I was amazed to see the pink sunrays outside! I wish I could get up earlier every day to see this miracle! But this would mean a total life change. Well, it seems tricky at present.

After my dad kissed me goodbye, I went back to my boat of dreams – my lovely wooden bed. I tried to catch some moments of sleep but I was constantly woken up by my mom and dad. Sometimes they both called me at the same time…It made me smile! :)))

And finally…today my dear mama has finally come back home from her little trip! She could not hide her joy to be at home and see me. We enjoyed our “chatty” time, discussing our news and impressions. Now she’s peacefully sleeping. The wind is crazily singing again. But I am having pink sunrays in my heart right now. I am feeling warm and happy. I am grateful for my dearest mama, for her safe coming back, for my papa who carefully made my breakfast and lunch and tried to make my staying alone at home as comfortable as possible. I am grateful to be loved so much. I am grateful for loving. 

P.S. I am also grateful for some of my online friends who're so patient with me. :(

         Couch Potato with some Banana Flavour

TV screen and my old sofa are surely not the most exciting things that would make me feel on cloud nine.  But since the wind is having fun with making me scared today and my papa is surprisingly at home, I decided to do something what only very “intelligent” people do – to do N O T H I N G. Or in other words to watch TV!

My dad bought me some bananas, so I enjoyed being a green-eyed couch potato with some banana flavour.  I was watching old fairy tales (those Soviet ones) and felt myself a carefree child. 

I enjoyed spending some lazy moments with my papa. I am happy we could laugh and speak about nothing. 

I am grateful for this couch potato opportunity, for this precious moment with my papa and for my dear mama who’s finally on her way home! (I miss her already!) I even felt some sunrays on my cheek today! And…two neighbour’s kitties enjoyed purring in my bed. :) Well, isn’t it happiness? ;) 

I am happy you were and are in my life…

Today eighteen years ago I saw you for the last time…You were choking…Mama was trying to keep you with us. I was helplessly crying in the corridor…I did not know what to do. This moment was a real century for me. It was not a nightmare. It was real. It was the day when I grew up. I begged doctors to save your life. It was the last time I showed my tears to people I never knew….That evening when we were supposed to celebrate our mama’s birthday, you were taken to the hospital. Seven days later I was woken up by our parents and told that you were no longer with us…But I could not believe it. I still don’t really. You are an eternal part of me. You’re my little sister I miss every single day.

I am sorry if my today’s post does not sound so joyful. Today I am happy. I still cry for my sister who passed away in 1994. Now my tears are hopeful.

 Today my dearest mama is celebrating her birthday. She’s away this day – travelling to a far away monastery. I called her and wished her a very happy birthday. I am so happy to have her, my real strength with me. I am happy she gave life to me and my little sister. I am happy to be an older sister. I am still a sister. The fact that my younger sister is not physically with me anymore, does not change anything. 

I am grateful to my dear strong mama. I am happy God has made my dream come true and now she’s enjoying the time of her life. I am happy to hear smiles in her voice. I wish so much I could become a better daughter. I wish I brought her more smiles than sorrows. I hope I’ll be able to change. 

I am grateful for having more than I deserve. I am happy to be. Thank you…

I love you…

Has one ever visualized love? How does it look like or how does it sound? How does it feel like? Can someone smell it? Does it have any taste? Is it something eternal or does it vanish one day?  What can one do if your love does not have any purpose or response? Does love have any sense at all? Such queer questions occupy my  restless mind very often. So, let me share the voice of my head with you. :)

Love is Life. There are no unwanted children. Every human being has a great special meaning. Believe me – if you’re destined to exist, no matter how long – it is already a great evidence of Love. It is just important to see Love in your life – in every smile your way, every breath you take, every sip of water you have. I used to ask myself why there are so many suffering children and grownups. I still ask myself the same. But now I also believe that if someone is born despite the fact that s\he will have to go through many painful moments, it means this person must be very special and loved. Loved by Someone who wanted you to be born. Probably my words make no sense for atheists. I believe they do. There is nothing that would have no purpose. Universe is very logic. And we’re all puzzles. When we finish our life journey, we do not just disappear. We live. Forever live in hearts of someone we gave pieces of our hearts to. And we’re back to Love. We are born with Love and we leave to Love.

Love is Patience. I am terribly impatient. I hope to master this greatest art of arts – patience.
My great example of patience is my mama who carries me in her arms sometimes. It is far from easy. But she has never ever complained about it. Not a single word. She is my picture of love.
Love is invisible. It is plaited in my braids.

Love is warm – then how can one explain to me why my heart is warm when I see\hear\think about people I love?

Love is a great painkiller – when I take it my pain runs away from me.

Love itself is pain but this sort of pain makes you pure.
Love has no reasons. No “why” and “that’s unfair”. It is. Or it is not. But it often is.

I am happy to feel love from people who have never even met me. Well, there are maybe people who’d argue about it. How can love be virtual? ;) It can be different. Love can have a  moustache, wear glasses, have kidney\heart problems, bake a lovely cake for me, send me a sunshine smiley on skype…

I am grateful for feeling myself loved today. I am tired. Sometimes cross with myself and feeling like hiding away. But there are always loving hands and eyes surrounding me.  I hope to learn to love too. It’s like learning a foreign language – always stumbling on tricky constructions, facing misunderstandings, feeling lost but it’s the only thing that makes life complete and joyful. Nothing else matters. I love you…

                           The Light and Darkness

There are so many stars in the sky. There are millions and trillions of them. Some of them are so-called “suns", some are just reflecting the light of other “suns”. Just like people. Many people I meet on my life way are those “suns”. They are the light I need when I am in the darkness. Some of those stars are a billion miles away from me. But their light makes me feel alive. Some of these “suns” do not even know about how happy their sunrays make me. Or how cold I feel when they are covered with dark clouds…

Today I am grateful for solving some of my yesterday problems. It seems like I am slowly finding that peace inside me. I am grateful for the moment of darkness I experienced today during a powercut. I enjoyed thinking of people dear to me. Even a single thought of these people make my heart smile with tears. Tears of happiness. Tears of this unspoken joy I can never express with any words. I am not so rich to buy so many dictionaries, maybe. :)

I am grateful for the moment of light. That gives me a lively chance to type you here now. I am grateful to those kind eyes who’re reading my confusing thoughts at this very second. I am grateful to God for these amazing moments of happiness today. I am grateful to God for keeping an eye on my dear mama who’s on the train now.  I am grateful for this opportunity she’ll have – to see new places and enjoy something more than washing dishes or caring for everything here. I’m grateful for my dad who’s peacefully “watching” football now and seeing sweet dreams at the same time… I am grateful for a nice goodnight chat I had. I am grateful to God for giving me one more chance to thank Him. 

                             Walking the Tightrope

It is very scary. It seems like I am just to lose my foothold and “enjoy” a great fall. I am frightfully balancing, my feet are  nervously trembling. I am  like a volcano ready to erupt. Like a melancholic autumn wind that is whistling and closing the squeaky doors…

I do not feel like getting into great details of my walking the tightrope. I’ll be short – I wish I were stronger. But I am what I am. I cannot say I love myself this way. But so far I cannot change it. It is not easy to live with me. Believe me. :) You’re all lucky to enjoy a good version of Daria.

My greatest joy of today is – there is a person, the dearest person of my life- my mama – who supports me no matter what. She sees me in very different moods – on cloud nine and even when I am like a bear with a sore head. She’s my strong hands when I fall down. My mama is my real energizer.  I have understood it today once again.

 I am grateful to our Father in Heaven for my new day of life, for seeing my weak points I hope to change somehow and most of all for someone who makes my life complete – my dear mama… 

Warm Joy+Travel of 1,300 km+Hello from the Atlantic Ocean = Daria beaming with happiness!

Real happiness does not consist of material values. Well, it is very low of a human being to dream of an expensive car or a beautiful dress. One should only dream of things that are eternal or at least long-lasting. Well, unfortunately, I don't always preach what I teach. I did sometimes have some material dreams. I used to dream of a nice bicycle that would widen my freedom. I also dared to dream of high-heeled shoes I simply cannot wear. 

One of my so-called “material” dreams came true today! :) :) ;) A single thought of this warms the cockles of my heart. Today my mama finally bought a new winter coat for herself. I am crazily happy to see her sunny smile and realize that she’ll stay warm this freezing season. I am happy winter won’t be able to play its mean jokes with my mom anymore!

Skype is an amazing vehicle, isn’t it? Thanks to it I can travel anywhere I want to! I don’t need any petrol, or a plane. Or tickets. What I need is one finger (that’s actually enough), a cute smiley sign and a happy “click” sound…and …I am flying. I lose the feeling of gravity, time and all my troubles are hidden in a dark cage that is tightly closed. I was really happy today. My voice was travelling far today – more than 1,000 km. It was really miraculous.  I was childishly happy to chat with my good friend. Nothing really mattered. Perhaps this person will never know how happy I was today.  The heavy December clouds could not spoil my joy. I was a free bird.

This afternoon I also spiritually touched the Atlantic Ocean and enjoyed sunbathing on the Rehoboth Beach…I received a beautiful piece of care – a postcard from my good friend far away. I hope he’s smiling now while reading these lines. Thanks to him  my face had to practice 26 muscles today! ;)

I am silently grateful to God for this awesome day in my life – my happy mama, my fantastic voice travel and a person who cared to think of me and send me a piece of the ocean I dream about so much! The only sad part is – words are powerless to express my real joy. It’s like a rainbow you look at or a melody that touches your heart strings very deeply. It’s happiness. 

                A Differently-Abled Post

Today I could receive lots of roses and gifts…Ukraine as well as many countries honours people with disabilities today. Since I somehow belong to this lucky group of people I could also drink a glass of champagne or throw a party…But I did none of these things listed above. Not today, at least. I’d better postpone this happy celebration of my disability to Christmas Day. :) You can join me then, if you like! :) :) :) Don't forget to bring your bottle of  wine then, please!

The funny thing is till the age of eight I did not really realize my difference. Well, I did but not the way I do now. Some people “helped” me to realize that I could never suit their world. I am just different. And their world does not need such different freaks like me. Haha…I used to get very upset about this fact. I prayed God about healing me. About giving me the body everyone has. Now I am not. I am not asking God to make me a perfect model, a la Julia Roberts!  I am not even angry with these people who did not want to accept my differences. Sure, it still makes me sad when I hear from some people such things like “Well, you’re so brave, in your situation I’d be depressed…etc”  or “Well, you’re so closed from the world, you should not isolate yourself from the other normal people”… It is strange but many people think I  must be different… Sure, I am different. I am. Thousand times I am…. Like everyone on this ship we call planet. I don’t ignore the fact that I am disabled in some ways. 

I don’t want to prove that I am the same like any other healthy girl. I  do have the same feelings, smiles and tears. I don’t want to say that I am always all-smiles and I don’t care about my challenges. I am sometimes angry with myself. I am sometimes truly happy. I am me. I am Daria. I cannot run the way some “normal” people do. I cannot dance. There are some things that are simple for you but extremely difficult for me.

I am grateful to God for making me like this. I am not hypocrite here.  Believe me, please. I am not so great. I am often weak. If you ask me, I’d be the happiest to enjoy a full-functional body. But I was born with a different body. And I have no choice. I should make the best of what I have instead of wasting my precious time for wishing what I don’t have and might never have.

  I am different in many ways of physical abilities. But today I was thinking about how many things I am actually able to do. I can independently do 99% of things around. I almost never need any assistance with dressing or washing. I can work many hours. I can even travel. And believe me – when I am happy, there is no real difference between me and any other Homo Sapiens.

My blog purpose has really nothing to do with my dis-ability. I am not speaking about my limits I am aware of.  Now I am even happy to have my limits. Guess why? My limits teach me to be patient and understand people more. And if I am lucky to overcome some of my limits – my joy is even greater! I am happy to share my joys with you. I do not intend to inspire you. I do not want to be your example of someone special. I just want to be your friend. I am happy to be your shoulder you can cry on when you’re hurt. I am happy to see your happiness. I am happy to realize that you treat me the way I want to be treated. 

If I could I’d really change the world “disabled” into “differently-abled”. We’re all, in fact, disabled in some ways. We’re not all singers or dancers or artists. We’re all different. And this difference is what makes us all unique. 

                               ABC HAPPINESS

Some of you might know about my teaching career. ;) Well, I am still shy to call myself a teacher but this brainy activity is a great source of my bread and butter. And even more than that. It's also a great chance to practise my nervous system. :) My greatest reward is not always money. It's this inner satisfaction no money can buy (just like love, or  a cat's purring...). It's when I look into my students' eyes and see the light of knowledge.  And what really takes my breath away is that I am often that “electrician”! :D I mean I sometimes help my students switch on the light of their knowledge! This event always fills me with so much strength! I am close to dancing at such moments. :D Perhaps it can be called "crazy professional excitement". I don't know. Maybe you have a better term for this condition (syndrome?)

Today I was so proud of my student...She has finally mastered these 26 signs of the English language - I mean the alphabet!!! I could not help feeling proud of her and a bit of ...myself. :D Haha....

Well, actually my student is my great inspiration...since it's my own mama...Yeah! My mom's been learning English for some years (by tiny steps) but this time she seems to be seriously determined! And it makes me wonder. :) I am happy to see her learning new vocabularies every day. It also can be that my mom's progress feeds my own pride. :) I am now her strict teacher and she is my diligent student. Probably the best beginner I have ever seen in my life so far. :)

I am happy to share some knowledge (or at least dusty remnants of it!) with everyone who needs it. And today I am really thrilled to see how many copy books my dear mama has already completed! I am really proud of her. I really hope she'll be as excited as I was when she starts to speak English. :) I hope she'll enjoy this new world I can't imagine my life without now - the world of the English language. :) Keep your fingers crossed for her and me, please! 

     Day and Night or Four-Pawed Happiness

Almost six days a week I spend in my warm cozy nest called “my office” . It probably sounds  grand but it’s just a little room with a table and my laptop on it. And hundreds of books everywhere that warm my heart like a fireplace.  I am lucky to perform some brain operations there, to play my little piano, to absorb my eyes into the wonderful world of books, skype with my great friends from all around our beautiful planet and escape there to the world of “myself” every evening.

                                               "My office" and flying pig...:)

I’d be the greatest liar ever if I said I love staying accompanied by my devoted friends – dictionaries all day long. I do love going outside. So, today I just went to our garden and there I experienced lots of little joys I want to share with you.

The weather was really gloomy and it seems like the sky’s been feeling depressed lately. Later this day it started to rain cats and dogs…But I was lucky again – no rain during my “walk”. So, I enjoyed breathing in the smell of the December sky.

                                                          December view of our garden

Have I ever told you about my weak point? Haven’t I? Really not? Well, I am in love…crazily and forever…Who’s that lucky one? Well, I actually mean cats…no matter what colour and size…JUST cats, lovely purring cuties my heart always longs for! I do not have any cat at the moment. But I am still lucky to enjoy a company of a friendly company of neighbours’ cats!

Today I got huge portions of positive emotions thanks to two cats. They both are great opposites. One is as white as snow and the other one is like a panther.  Like Day and Night. They brought me so many smiles! They were joyfully playing with each other and it was real fun to see their emotions!

I am grateful to God for giving me this joy – to feel love of these wonderful animals. I do not want to compare whom I love more – animals or humans. This sort of love cannot and should not be compared. It’s just different. But I can bravely say – I am in love with cats! They are amazing creatures who do not care how I look like or how clever I am. They just come and purr for me their “I love you”. They present me their care without expecting much in return. I should learn something from them, I guess.

I am happy to be surrounded by this priceless four-pawed happiness. They are little magicians who make me smile no matter what.  My crazy big dream is to stroke a tiger…maybe one day it can come true…huh?