I am happy you were and are in my life…

Today eighteen years ago I saw you for the last time…You were choking…Mama was trying to keep you with us. I was helplessly crying in the corridor…I did not know what to do. This moment was a real century for me. It was not a nightmare. It was real. It was the day when I grew up. I begged doctors to save your life. It was the last time I showed my tears to people I never knew….That evening when we were supposed to celebrate our mama’s birthday, you were taken to the hospital. Seven days later I was woken up by our parents and told that you were no longer with us…But I could not believe it. I still don’t really. You are an eternal part of me. You’re my little sister I miss every single day.

I am sorry if my today’s post does not sound so joyful. Today I am happy. I still cry for my sister who passed away in 1994. Now my tears are hopeful.

 Today my dearest mama is celebrating her birthday. She’s away this day – travelling to a far away monastery. I called her and wished her a very happy birthday. I am so happy to have her, my real strength with me. I am happy she gave life to me and my little sister. I am happy to be an older sister. I am still a sister. The fact that my younger sister is not physically with me anymore, does not change anything. 

I am grateful to my dear strong mama. I am happy God has made my dream come true and now she’s enjoying the time of her life. I am happy to hear smiles in her voice. I wish so much I could become a better daughter. I wish I brought her more smiles than sorrows. I hope I’ll be able to change. 

I am grateful for having more than I deserve. I am happy to be. Thank you…