Peace in my Heart

The sun was shining. The sky was amazingly blue. The November sunrays got tangled in my plaits. I was at a place that always makes me feel better no matter how I felt a minute ago.

Today I experienced some unspoken joy. The joy one can only express in a smile, in a teardrop of happiness when there is nothing one can or should say. No words are needed. Only your eyes and heart are able to reflect this joy of peace in your heart. This joy is like a little butterfly on your palm you do not want to scare away…

I went to church this morning. One of the greatest icons of God's Mother arrived at our place. Many people came to revere this holy image of Mother Mary. 


I know some of you do not share my religion. I'm Greek Orthodox what means I believe in the Holy Trinity - the Father, the Son (Jesus Christ) and the Holy Spirit. I have friends who call themselves to be atheists. I don't like to argue about God. There is no sense in any long debates. I am not going to convert anyone into Christianity. I am not a powerful speaker, anyway. I am such an imperfect Christian myself...:( Let's say I am not a good example to follow.

Well, what I want to say today is - I am truly happy I am not alone. I have felt it today once again. I wish my feelings could be visualized or expressed by a beautiful piece of music.
I am happy God is. I am happy He believes in me. I am so weak sometimes. But He never leaves me when I fall. 

Even the weather was miraculous today - plus 15 C  or 59 F (what's really warm for the last day of autumn). And just imagine - the sky was crying but as soon as I left home - it became so clear and sunny...When I came home (almost straight away) the sky dressed on its dark coat and started to weep again...Is that not a miracle, a sign of Love that cares for me and everyone of you?

                                    I am breathing

There are many moments when I feel fed up with everything. When I don't feel any more energy in my veins to go on with my monotonous daily routine. I am not that positive, always-smiling girl some of you might consider. I am unlikely to fall into great depression sessions but I sometimes feel like I'm a parachute jumper...Haha. It's exactly like falling into a huge pile of snow.

 I hope you don't get the impression as if I'd hate my translation activity. No! I am passionate about it. The thing is, my job, like all the jobs in the world, includes many additional moments that are not directly connected with translations. I cannot really say that I don't like "these additional" tasks, but sometimes I just get a bit tired... I mean morally exhausted of this never-chaning chain of things I have to keep in my mind. 

Today was exactly such a day when I was close to "enjoying" a free fall...:D But thanks to God, I managed to stand up and even smile. I suddenly realized that I must be grateful to our dear Father for giving me all these busy moments.  It means I can handle more than I think. This bright idea filled me with joy! 

You know I dream of travelling and I'd rather spend my life in reality than in front of the computer screen...But now I understand  - it is a piece of cake to be happy when you travel or just go out BUT not everyone is ready to enjoy his\her endless mountain of tasks and spend the whole day inside your nest. Well, don't get me wrong, please. I am not trying to show you how heroic I am...Not at all! But it is fun to enjoy what most people usually would not. :) I hope you understand my weird feeling! I am sure it should give you some delicious food for thought! :):):)

I am grateful to God for  my busy Thursday, for people who trust me (despite the fact that I don't really trust myself! :P ) and for giving me enough strength and enthusiasm to love what I am doing. Now I am slowly sailing away to my dreamland! I am happy I am breathing! :) Stay warm and may God be with all of you who's reading my wandering thoughts! 

                          Golden Rays on my Floor

When my little sister and I were little we often played with the sunrays. This sort of games must seem queer to most of you these days…But we were really keen on becoming “queens of the sunrays”!  Yeah, exactly, the queens of the sunrays…We were crawling on the floor and trying to catch as many sunrays as we could. The winner was the one who managed to catch the greatest “sunny” territories…

This morning I felt like an annoyed owl woken up in the middle of the day...:-) I hit the sack very late, so my eyes didn’t want to see the reality of my working day. I had no choice, though. I had to get dressed and to brush my teeth. Then still sitting on my bed and trying to come back from the world of dreams, I saw a beautiful sunray on my floor…I somehow thought of my little sister…I felt warm. I felt real happiness. It was probably the brightest sunray I saw for the last two grey weeks.

I am grateful to this sunny morning and that fascinating gift – a golden ray of sunshine and feeling myself a queen of the sunland…

                     This picture was made on Khortitsa Island last summer...Early morning...

                                                Three Miracles

Do you believe in miracles, my dear friends? I certainly do! During my 26-year-old journey on this planet I have witnessed it many times. It was sometimes visible. I happened to smell it. I even touched it. And what's more I felt it - this wonderful warmth in my heart, like birds singing, like the sun shining just for me. It must be very similar when one runs unstoppably, with his\her hair flying in the air...Freedom...Oh, yeah, it must feel good!

Today I woke up without any great expectations. It was another cloudy morning. Well, I'm lying. I did expect something. I badly wanted something amazing to happen. I really felt something in the air...and...Allright let me tell you about three miracles I have experienced today. Are you ready? Be sure to sit cozily, please. Don't forget to breathe in deeply. You can even fasten your seatbelts! (in case of probable crazy laughter attacks) :-D So, ready, steady, go? ;)

                                                  Miracle # 1. 

This very morning my mama and I were sitting in the kitchen, sipping our green tea and travelling to our past hectic university days...We were laughing about our exam adventures, wondering how all the professors were doing...and...and...and...my mobile phone started to miaow...(Haha...don't think I am totally crazy...well, just a bit! My mobile ringtone is a sweet kitty miaow!). I saw a familiar name on the screen...I was ready to lose my breath! I could not believe my eyes...It was my dear professor...I picked up my phone and heard her melodic voice! The following ten minutes was a total mix of sharing our news with each other, laughing and again, travelling by our time machine... This phone talk really cheered me up. I felt myself a bit guilty, though. I never found time in my daily pocket to call my dear uni teachers...You see, time is the most expensive thing for most of the people! We can never afford having enough of it! And it hurts when it’s already gone…


I am feeling honoured to have had brilliant professors in my life. They have taught me a lot - some tricky translation theory, grammar and the most important to use my knowledge. :) I am forever indebted to them! How fascinating it is to feel that someone cares about you and remembers you no matter what...

                                                   Miracle # 2. 

Today two of my friends are celebrating their birthdays. One could surely say there is no real miracle. But there is. At least for me. They are really different and even have no idea about each other, living in different corners of the world, speaking different languages. But they are very dear to my heart and I am really fortunate to know them! My life would not be so complete without them in there. 

                                                 Miracle # 3. 

You'll laugh now or at least smile. My next miracle happened in my bathroom. :D Guess what? Well, I didn't dive in my bath. :D (even though I dream of swimming!) I was brushing my teeth, gargling, and washing my face...So what, you may ask? Well, it was like a bolt from the blue...I realized...I can do everything what concerns my private hygiene alone! Well, I've done it independently for around 24 years but I never really thought about it! I know there are people who are not able to enjoy such ocean of opportunities I am! Well, I should not compare. And what's more, my life and abilities can change any time. But this evening I enjoyed these usual activities without any difficulties. This time, however, I was grateful for my freedom. My real bag of freedom I tend to ignore.

I hope to notice more miracles in my life. May God help me! I am sure there are hundreds of other miracles around I usually do not notice. I should better keep my eyes widely open, don't you think so? ;)

                         My Worn-Out Joy

Tonight my post is tiny, like a bar of milk chocolate that usually melts in my mouth within a few seconds. The reason is my back, my head, my fingers and the rest of my powerful machine called “body” is simply exhausted. But I could not help dropping you my lines of joy. Even let it be a worn-out joy.

I am grateful for being dog-tired (cat-tired?) tonight. My heart is beating like a fast night train, impatiently waiting for my travel to the land of dreams to start.

Honestly, I am feeling a bit broken. I don’t mean anything too bad. It happens at times. I am sure you have felt it many times. I am happy I can feel so. I am not falling apart, do not worry! :-) I am sure you can always come and put me together like a puzzle..;)  

It’d hurt much more if I had nothing to do and spent my day sitting and staring at the TV screen…What really scares me is doing nothing…I hope I will not have to face it in my life. Well, I am sure one can find joy in many situations, but sometimes it’s very tricky, believe me!

I am happy to be useful. I am happy to be active. I am happy to have a skype friend who sees me yawning like crazy but who doesn’t feel offended or mad with me.

I am thankful for this wonderful chance to live. Today. This second. This moment.

I hope to have more moments like this! Joy is worth it. ;)

Allright, my dear friends! The conductor is whistling. My train has arrived. Gotta run! ;) 

                        It's not my kitties...but I look like this now...;)

                          Speaking with the Silence...

I am a super talkative person. I was born like that. At first my "words" were constant crying. Day and Night. My poor mama didn't know what it meant to sleep in silence during the first two years of my life journey...:D  My mom says I started to speak without any stops at the age of one -  straight away after I regained my consciousness after the surgery...Since that time my favourite activity  is talking people's heads off...:D Okay, I am not so cruel. I prefer to dive in this world of words with people around.  I like doing tongue exercises. Maybe my tongue flexibility makes up for my body challenges. :) I really feel that communication is one of the greatest gifts we have. 

Sometimes I am like a storm. Be aware of such a danger, please. :P Sometimes I'm in  a cloudy mood. I try hard to keep my "sky" clear and bright but I often fail. Or maybe I can also describe it as “A Great Fall from the Cloud Nine”… Especially when I have an endless mountain of work...I am a lazy climber. :) So, my first reaction is silence. Believe me, it's much better than showing you Daria hurricane...:D

Today I am feeling sunny despite the fact that our sky's blanket was so blue dark. I spent a quiet day. I enjoyed a lively fresh portion of air outside on my way to church this cloudy morning. It was funny to see how November tried to tweak my nose.

After I came home and enjoyed some brunch, I went...Guess where? ;) Aha, you won't guess. I believe most of you consider this "our clever Daria went to translate, teach, speak with someone on skype"...etc)...But your hard-working chatter-box friend went to the greatest place in my house - my sweet friend who sees my fresh happiness and exhausted sorrows - my lovely bed! I just fell asleep, cuddling my favourite colourful blanket (kindly presented by parents of my great friend.) I bet I travelled in a world of dreams. But I don't really remember where exactly. I was woken up by the greatest sound ever...the purring of our neighbour's snow white kitty my mom had brought into my bed...:D I was almost ready to start my "storm" but this "purring" melody blew all my heavy clouds away.

This evening I enjoyed my minutes of Silence. I was speaking with it. I didn't have to be a brave girl. I didn't have to say a word. Silence could understand me without any sounds. I cannot really describe it. All I can say is - these moments of silent conversations make me happier. It's like when you come and sit on your dad's knees as a child. You may be hurt, you may feel the greatest pain ever...but your dad's arms hugging you make you forget all your troubles. So, I feel like a little silly kid when I speak with the Silence. I feel how this Silence cares for me. I am forever grateful for these precious minutes of Silence and me. Silence and my World. 

                       A Candle Burning in My Heart

Weak and tiny fingers are rubbing his eyes full of tears...The child is looking into the  free blue sky and asking God to give him a pieace of bread...The child cannot understand why his mom does not sing him a good night song anymore... Why she is so cold not waking up... The night is cold and silent. Lonely awls are hooting...God welcomes this little heart into His merciful warm hands...Tears are kissed away...The child happily runs to his mama whose hands smell  of  freshly-baked wheat bread...

Today my country is honouring the memory of Ukrainians who died of hunger in 1932-33. I am happy to see  many young people of my age and even younger who remember this tragic event of our Ukrainian history. Many Ukrainian families and even people abroad light candles tonight. They pray for the souls of all those martyrs who had to face a real nightmare called famine....No bread. No potatoes. Nothing. Even no hope. No tears left...

Just imagine how it feels like to see your beloved ones dying just because  someone decided that your child does not deserve a small bread loaf. There is nothing more awful in the world than the feeling of being helpless and hopeless...

I am grateful to God for a sunny piece of bread I have today. I am happy to have my hope. I am happy I remember. I am happy to see little children nowadays who enjoy so many delicious things.  

My candle is burning. My heart is bleeding but my hope is shining.  As long as we remember  - Ukraine is alive.  The world is alive. And our hearts are able to make someone's life warmer .

                           I love you, yes I do, I do...

I do not remember when I first saw your blue eyes. I can not remember the first word I said to you. I have no idea what you really felt when you first held me -  a helpless bundle of joy  in your strong arms twenty six years ago. 

There were many sad moments, though. I did not always understand you. I still sometimes do not. We are so different and sometimes I see a copy of you inside myself. I wish I knew what you really felt when you talked today with me. I even did not see you today. You are away. As always. That's life. Beautiful and sad. I just hope you felt my good wishes I sent to you today. I hope you felt. 

Today you're older. Today you're celebrating your birthday. I wish I could bake a cake for you.
I hope one day I will  tell you what I really feel. But are there any words for that? The words that are like doors without the keys. I wish you happiness. I really hope I sometimes make you happy. I really hope so. 

I am grateful for you and all the moments of happiness we've had together. I am happy for your being. 

                                           Happy birthday, papa! I love you...

                       Self-made sunshine

I am sure you happened to feel like you need some sunshine. Especially now during the darkest time of the year. I often miss this sun warmth. Today I thought “if I cannot enjoy the sunshine shower, I must make it myself!”

I decided to do what I usually never do – to make some figures with modeling clay…Well, I felt something I didn’t feel for a long time – this kind of joy one can experience as a child only….I was deep in thoughts, feeling excited and…so carefree! I “deformed” all my problems with these colourful pieces of clay. Here you can admire my first masterpieces (Haha):

I know all my clay figures look as if they were made by a two-year old kiddo…What really matters is I was so happy to make something using my fingers! I need more practice and creative ideas but even now I am really grateful for my great instruments – my "ten" team. My fingers are really stiff and inflexible due to my rare condition I was born with. But miraculously they can do 99,9 percent of things! I believe if it were not for my terrible diagnosis of chronic laziness, I’d boast of something more amazing than this childish stuff…:)

I am happy to “dance” with my fingers around the keyboard now. I hope you’re glad to join my “dance”. ;)

Love ya!

                  I killed… Wow…I did!

I am a murderer.  A bloody one. I have killed today. I haven’t even winked at my enemy while killing him…My hands were cold, and even the fresh blood didn’t scare me! :)

Yesterday I had a little war with my friend. I don’t want to investigate now who was right. I don’t feel like justifying him or myself. But yesterday I finished our conversation with a heavy heart. I was sure I’d go on with my fight for my rights.  I was already polishing my weapons… ready to attack him… But a light of sunshine touched my sharp heart…and I felt like killing…killing my stupid monster…my evil pride monster…

It was a very severe battle. I was often one step away from utter defeat…This victory ended with lots of painful cuts and scars…BUT…I have survived! I conquered my awful anger by God's Grace. I am a winner. I am not angry. I don’t want to fight for my rights any longer. I simply want to make my heart free. Free of selfish wishes and senseless intentions to show my superiority. I was wrong. I thought my anger would change my world for better and would change my friend’s world. It has brought cold rains instead. 

How amazing it is to be free! I am grateful to God for this magic He has kindly showed me. I know my final battle is not over yet. I hope to be a strong soldier…Wish me luck, please…

P.S. No human being or living creatures have suffered during my great battle. :) No worries!

                              I do not possess any rights for this picture I found online. :)

                      The Chemistry Between Us 

Has it ever happened to you when you felt like you'd known someone for ages even though you met this someone for the first time ever? Have you ever felt like you are on the same wave with someone? It can often be an absolute stranger. You may have almost nothing in common. This person may be 50 years wiser than you. But whenever you meet this "someone", you're all ears, all smiles and all eyes. You feel like you're glued to her\him. This person magnetizes you. It can certainly be described by a powerful chemical reaction. You both react together. You are different. Like a banana and a tomato. But you are connected. You're like notes and the piano...

There are many things I take in my life for granted. I am shy to admit but I rarely think how lucky I am. I tend to think about the things I want to have but do not have so far or might never enjoy. I am trying to get rid of such "selfpity moments". Not always successfully. But I am determined. I'm fired with enthusiasm to go on with this battle against my selfish dreams. 

Thanks to  my dear friend I had the privilege to meet today, I am grateful for my warm home, my cup of hot tea, my friends who care about me. She's my former chemistry teacher.  She's retired now. One could describe her as a homeless person. :( She had to face many sad moments in her life: awful poverty, death of her dear husband...She dreamt of becoming a mom but due to some health problems could never feel this happiness...She used to be our village teacher. I must mention  she was the best chemistry teacher in our region.  I'm proud to have had such a brilliant private tutor.  As a schoolgirl I had a strange allergy for math and all those "wise" sciences. :P This beautiful lady saved me. She had the right medicine for me. :D  She just came and brought me a great gift - love to chemistry. Believe it or not - a week later I could amazingly comprehend chemistry! It was a real miracle. Unfortunately, I could not do any experiements due to the fact that I had my school education at home. However, I felt really thrilled about all those "reactions"...

Thanks to my dear chemistry tutor (my only tutor ever), I was the best chemistry pupil in my class. :D (Forgive me my terrible modesty, please!). But she has brought me more than just love to chemistry. She showed me a different universe. She taught me to appreciate what I have. She has never treated me as a helpless girl with limited abilities. 

Today she came over again. We had some lunch together, then I showed her some pictures on my laptop. We watched the summer video of us together we made last year. She was smiling. So sunnily. I saw a wonderful lady. Her 76 years of wisdom make her really beautiful. 

She has made me feel ashamed today. She lives in her tiny apartment alone. She has no heater, so she often freezes in winter, trying to keep herself warm with her oven. Today she shared her "happy news" with us: she again has her "electrity back and running water...". I wanted to punch myself at that moment...I really felt like scolding myself. My friend has so little, but she tries to keep her chin up. She lost everything and everyone. But she is alive. Her neighbours  dislike her style of life: she keeps homeless cats and dogs in her apartment what makes it all smell very unpleasantly. She has a few friends. I don't want to justify her manner of life or judge people who don't want to understand her or even support her. I am just thankful to her. She is my example of a real strong spirit.

I am grateful to God for this  real chemistry between us: her and me. I hope this reaction will last forever. :)

                     Breathing in Eternity 

Holding my breath. Trying to dive into the sky... The last golden sunrays gently kiss my  braids. I am finally starting to breathe. My thoughts are flying away. Somewhere 1,500 km away. I am breathing. Smelling the last half frozen flowers and yellow grass. 

Suddenly I look at my neighbour's house, the tree he planted...The light autumn wind is sadly waltzing through its thick branches...My neighbour may be enjoying now something more beautiful. He has been in Heaven for some years. His shadow is gone. His tree is here. His warmth is in everywhere around his home. 

Then I look at another neighbour's house. My heart is bursting into tears. Our dear female neighbour is sick. No one knows if she can win that battle for life. I never used to take her seriously. What's more, there were times I got annoyed by her way of speaking with me. I have grown to love her. I smile everytime I see her. I enjoy her cozy voice, her problems she likes to discuss with me. Her flowers. I don't want to think about any goodbye. I don't want to believe doctors. I really hope for miracles. I am a  hopeless dreamer. I will always stay so, I am afraid. It's always heartbreaking to say good bye. I can't get used to it.  Sometimes I want to close my heart inside a dark closet. It seems like my heart cannot stand any more losses. But it only seems so. My little motor of life will go on loving, getting hurt, bleeding, healing, and again loving till the last breath...

I am grateful for this eternity we all have. I believe in God. I believe in our eternity. It's not only a way of comforting myself. I just feel it. I feel it when I breathe in eternity. When I look up and see an endless blue path that leads us all to Love...

A Wedding Dress, a Piece of Juicy Pomegranate, Black Snowflakes and a Melody of Joy... 

I believe a wedding day must be something really special in a life of every girl. It's the day any girl can feel herself the happiest princess in the world. Her parents usually cry for happiness, admiring their little girl who's dressed in a white cloud called a wedding dress....Her future husband looks at her with an unhidden love and utter admiration. He must feel afraid of this new step, but at the same time he is more afraid of losing his blue (green, brown)-eyed universe his heart is revolving around...

Today I spent a great time with my old friend from school who got married in September. She and her husband both visited me today. They showed me their wedding pictures. Strange as it might sound, I felt real sunshine in my heart while watching all these happy pictures. I really wish they always stayed so like now. Always in love.  Romantic. Funny. Always together. Hand in hand. Now, amazingly and vibrantly young,  and even when they both are beautifully wrinkled old folks...I am honestly glad about  their shining happiness I felt today. 

Today my dear mama went to the supermarket and bought a huge pomegranate. It's so red and juicy. I simply enjoyed the taste of these little berries! I can't help smiling when I see this fruit. It's my hero. A week ago another sweet pomegranate probably helped me to get rid of my "cuddling hot friend" (for those who do not understand my crazy world of metaphors, I meant nothing else but fever!) :) So, this evening I was watching a movie on my laptop and felt the happiness of vitamins "falling in love with Daria", I mean me! :D

There were some other heavy thoughts on my mind today. I imagined bombs falling. Children crying. I seemed to feel a bitter taste of their sweet tears...a heap of ashes...the remnants of someone's happiness. Someone’s dear smiles...

 I cannot perhaps (thanks to God!) really understand what it exactly means to live under a constant attack of fear that freezes your blood and puts your heart into cold chains... Luckily, I don't know the feeling of a black snowflake melting in my shaking palm. I am grateful, really grateful to God for keeping me and my dear ones away from that nightmare called war...I am lucky to enjoy the skies free from bombs. I can peacefully go to bed. I do not frightfully tremble when I hear airplanes. I don't have to hide myself in the middle of the night as soon as the air-raid alarm wakes me up....My fingers do not need to get fearfully paralyzed while opening a letter from my dad...

I am blessed to live in peace. I am not sure I will always enjoy this. There is no guarantee. Just hopes. And prayers for those who are not so lucky like me today. May our Kind Father save us all...

There is also something else I can't help mentioning! Today one of my good friends shared some of his happy news with me. I cannot go into any special details but this news really filled me with real sunrays of happiness! I am grateful to my friend who made my evening complete. I am grateful to him for composing a melody of joy for me today!

P.S. I am sorry if my joys are so mixed and confusing today. I never plan them. I just write what I feel. And feelings are like a wind…no one really knows where it will blow…so do my thoughts! 

                     The Symphony of Three Hearts
People who always wait for you. People who cannot be mad with you. People who love you the way you are. Their hearts bleed when they see you crying. They are always ready to sacrifice their everything for you, for your single smile.

Another cloudy day. I’m worn out at the end of the day. However, I feel happy tonight. My family is together. I don’t enjoy it as often as I would like to. My dad has to work away. Tonight my mom and dad and me were watching TV. Nothing special, one could say. Just another silly TV show. Then a stupid (I hate it!) football match we usually fight about. I used to be terribly furious about my dad’s hobby. Today I seem not to care about it anymore. I just want to keep this moment of peace forever. 

I want our love we never really speak about to keep us warm together. Today and forever. I wish I never said some things. I wish I appreciated more than I do. I am far away from an ideal daughter. I’m extremely fortunate with my parents – people who have given me my life

I hope one day my mom and dad will be proud of me . Actually, I don’t need to be someone special. I don’t need to pretend. I don’t even need to try. They read me like a book. They live with my joys and sorrows. They celebrate my tiniest victories. Even if one day I will stop believing in myself, they will never do the same...  I don’t know how I’ll be ever able to express my love to them. No words possess enough power for that.

I am grateful to our Greatest Father in beautiful Heaven for such a gift – my family. My warm evening. Our  old squeaky sofa and my mom gently stroking my hair. I enjoy my dad’s laughter and even his crazy love to everything connected with football. Today he again carried me in his arms. I know it’s not as easy as it used to be for him. But my dad’s strong. He’s forever strong. And I am forever his little Dashenka…

God bless my dearest parents! May the symphony of our three hearts sound forever! 

You are my sound, you are green, you are a heartbeat away....

I can't see you. Normally I never see you. Only sometimes green.  Your  face is still inside me. Engraved. Sometimes I feel your emotions even though you post a carefree smiley...Sometimes you're sad. Sometimes your voice sounds like you can conquer everything. You are my sound. My bell. My  little hero. My great spirit-lifter...

You are often oceans away. You don't write me every day. But it doesn't make my happiness smaller. You don't call me day and night. But every time my heart catches the tones of your voice - I am dancing. And I wish it would never stop. 

I often think what my existence would be like without you in it. Would I be the same happy? Would I smile like I do today when I glipmse at your "hi" ? I don't want to imagine any "what". I am simply happy. I don't need anything more. I have a great gift. Your friendship. I breathlessly carry our friendship like a tender glass in my arms. I forget to water the flower of our  friendship at times. But I am lucky you are strong.

I do not know how long this path, we both walk along,  is. Maybe one day it will end. I don't know when my turn is. No idea when yours.  One day you'll see my last smile. One day I may hear your last words...

I just hope this will be a long sunny journey. I don't mind some little rains, though. I know we'll be covered with  snow.  Maybe we'll even start playing with snowballs! :) I have no doubts that we'll face some severe thunderstorms. Just hold my hand, please. You know I am afraid of  lightning. 

 I hope we'll hold our umbrella. Remember we have just ONE umbrella. It's green. My favourite green. If you feel weak and scared, I'll try to hold the umbrella for you. If I fall on the ground, I hope you'll catch me. 

I am happy to have you, my dear friends. My dear patient friends all over the world. Thank you all for carrying my weak moments. Thank you for making my happiness double. I am such a bad friend for most of you. But you're in my heart. Or it's better to say you are my vital blood. :D Stay with me, please.

                The Hardest Thing I Ever Had to Do...

My dream came true!  I can hardly believe my eyes and my ears. My heart is smiling like it never did. I'm the happiest in the world. The happiest Daria, at least. I want to share my news with my mama and papa and all of my true friends. The fuel of happiness makes me fly! 

And...I wake up...and see my blue walls, the cloudy day outside my window...My tiny candle of hope is still burning...maybe this 'night' dream is going to  come true today? Who knows? 

Last summer I  eagerly joined a project. This inspired me for something I never did before. I did my very best. I sent my application. My work. And today...I received the results. I failed. Yes, I did. 

Well,  the truth to be told, I felt rain in my eyes. I didn't really hope to be selected. I didn't really believe I'd win. I know my weaknesses. But I hoped. And today my hope broke like a crystal vase - into awfully micro-pieces. Almost all day long I tried to forget about my failure. I tried to fight my sad thoughts away like annoying flies. 

I was dangerously close to close my blog. I could not find any good reason of being grateful today. Well, I can be grateful for  my loving parents,  my true friends, my warm room, my cup of hot chocolate...But my failure really made all these "treasury" of life just empty words. Formal cold words. I don't mean I do not cherish what I have. I do. I thousands times try to thank God for everything I have. Just today...today I felt myself a loser. I reread the list of selected names three times, still hoping to "catch" D....but...

All of a sudden I was lightened by a great idea that comforted me right away. My dream that kept me moving did not come true today. Not today. But should I really regret it? Should I really make this failure my tragedy? Isn't that a sign I must go on and do it better? My dream is alive. It is not dead. It's alive. It's vigorously kicking. And now even screaming.  And if it comes true, one day, one sunny day - I will be even happier than I'd be today. I'll be the happiest of the happiest! Isn't it an awesome reason to clear my cloudy sky and smile? :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

It's the hardest thing I ever had to do - to find that an unfulfilled dream may be a great source of happiness! 

                      Following the Sky

                        

Does one always need a pair of featherlight wings to touch the sky? Is it really so necessary to be a carefree bird to knock on the window of eternal stars? This question always floats in my mind...

My usual working day. My eyes are permanently glued to the computer screen- checking lots of weird signs I am never going to comprehend.  There is a buzzing swarm of thoughts in my head. Some of those "bees" bitterly clean the  glass fragments of my broken illussions. My fingers stubbornly type. Feeling stone-heavy. 

Then I suddenly look through the window. And...here is it. The sky. The dark-blue sky. It smells like cold roses. I can't keep my eyes off it. Nothing else exists. Or almost nothing. I think of someone.  There is a little lonely cloud melting...I don't feel my room anymore. My imaginary wings lift me away - away from my working desk,  my impatient problems and urgent plans...I'm there. Far away. Where no one without the wings can ever get.


The sunrays are singing their beautiful song to the yellow leaves which are saying their last farewell...

I'm the happiest to have my devoted friend - my sky with me, my crazy world of dreams. My flying imagination is not afraid of me. It is always with me. No matter what I am doing or how I am feeling. :) It knows no barriers. It does not need any money, rich friends or a prince on a white horse.  It is free. Like a little sunray dancing through the golden clouds. And I am there...

THE LAST GOODBYE KISS ON MY PILLOW OR THE BUSY BEE IS BACK AND READY TO GATHER SOME HONEY...

My morning disturber (Oops! I just mean my sweet alarm-clock) did not dare to bring me back from my wonderland of dreams. So, you could probably imagine my innocent surprise when I realized that I missed my waking-up train. :D The alarm-clock scaringly showed me 10 a.m. Usually I am ready to punch myself (and my dear alarm-clock) for such sleepy liberties but this time I felt nothing but pure joy. 

Guess what?

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! My cuddling virus left me without even saying his last goodbye! Maybe he left his kiss on my forehead since it was cold...:D I am free, my friends! Well, maybe I still need a couple of days to update the normal version of Daria but now I can enjoy my neverending daily routine! Some time ago it used to drive me crazy...Today I felt myself the happiest busy bee ever! My wings are cleaned and carefully polished. Perhaps, I haven't done as much as I wanted but the fact that I could work free of the nausea and bone pains made me feel  on top of the world.

It's amazing to feel no pain. It is wonderful to see my mom's happy smile instead of her scary eyes when I take my temperature. It is simply cool to eat for the first time today. Well, I still don't really feel like eating much but it felt good to practise my jaws! :D

I'm really grateful for today. I do not deserve this quick miracle. Our Dear Father which art is in Heaven must love me. And He must really listen to you. Everyone of you.  I am sure your great support and prayers might have really made my recovery speedy! Thank you, my dear friends from all around the world! You're  my great medicine. :)

The sound at the end of the dark tunnel

Sounds is something really mysterious. They can make your heart sing or sink. 

Today I experienced a real bright roller coaster! My fever was up and down very dramatically. This virus seems to enjoy travelling around my bones and inside my head. So, I enjoyed what I normally never do - stayed in my bed for almost all day long. In a complete silent noise.  I could hear my heart jumping and my blood boiling. I also heard lots of dogs barking outside. 

  I was sure I'd feel even worse in the evening but surpisingly I have been feeling alive so far.  I cannot really explain this phenomenon but I felt immediately better after a talk and that makes me think about an influence voices have on how we feel. I had another lovely experience today - I enjoyed the sounds of a purring neighbour's cat who came along to visit me. :)

I'm grateful to God for this wonderful gift - the miracle of sounds; this light at the end of my dark tunnel of silence...

                    Freezingly Hot Cuddles

Usually cuddling is a symbol of love and gentle care. Today I'm constantly cuddled by my old friend. He loves me very much. But the problem is I feel nothing more but attacks of nausea and  my cold fingers when he touches me.

Just some days ago some of my good friends were complaining about feeling under the weather. Even my dear mama had something like the flu the day before yesterday. I was geniously surprised why no viruses would have a crush on me! :D 

So, today my "dream" has eventually come true...I'm feeling like I want to jump out of my body and escape this annoying hot cuddles of an unknown virus! :( I was close to crawl to bed ungrateful but....I am grateful! Well, I am not a brave hero who's suffering and smiling. I really want to complain. But I should be careful. I should not scare my dear mama who is ready to call the ambulance. :D

Well, I'm thankful for feeling this way just sometimes. It'd be terrible to feel it every day. I should cherish my "healthy" days much more than I do.

I hope my "cuddling" friend will say good bye to me soon.

                      

                  Saturday Morning Serenade 

Sweet memories of my university life still warm my heart. Early Saturday morning...my alarm clock cowardly announcing me the start of my working day...I sleepily thank the Almighty for my new day of life. I brush my teeth, eat my plate of buckweat, grab my bag, dress myself, my mama helps me to tie my shoes, listens to my complaints about feeling terribly sleepy and we get into the taxi...Then we climb up to the sixth floor and here I am, in my lovely uni class...When I am back home in the evening my only big dream is a cup of hot black tea with lemon...

Now I am not officially a student anymore. My diploma kindly allows me to help people understand their different worlds and even reveal them some secrets of grammar...:) Well, speaking simply, I can be a translator and a teacher of foreign languages! The funny thing is I still cannot get used to this fact. I still feel myself a silly student. 


Being a student I dreamt of free Saturdays. No, I loved my busy Saturdays but was always sort of jealous of "normal" people who had their free day, free of alarm clock serenades and morning rushing around....I really expected to enjoy my Saturday freedom as soon as  I would graduate from the university. 

Life is great. Life is beautiful. And sometimes it seems unfair. And that's exactly what I thought after I started my teaching "career". All my first students were schoolchildren what meant they could attend our English lessons during their weekends...Every Saturday...My illussions of free Saturdays were destroyed. It seemed to me then I could hear a vase breaking into thousands of tiny pieces...


I, like many of you, need money. I need these pieces of paper that rule the world...And even my worlds of dreams...So, almost all my students make my day...my Saturday day! Yeah, now I can proudly and happily admit that they really make my day. Even when I am sad or feeling pain they miraculously make me smile and forget about all my troubles. 

Today I had five students. Some of them are really hungry for English, some are fed up. :D But I try to fire them with love to the English and German languages. I really try to make them feel the language that is absolutely foreign to them. Sometimes I feel disappointed with myself and my teaching methods. Sometimes I just don't feel that I have really left any seeds of knowledge in their souls...However, when I see their joy of understanding, their small victories - I am on cloud nine. 


I am lucky to have the best students in the world. I try to teach them what I know. I am far away from being a decent teacher. I myself make many mistakes. 
Thanks to my students  I can also enjoy my sweet bread and butter. I know I won't sound like a noble person...but I enjoy feeling myself useful.


My greatest luck is that my students teach me a lot - to be patient, ethusiastic and life-loving.   I am full of euphoria when I hear my students speaking English. I am ready to climb to the highest mountain top of the world ...That's how happy I am.  This is  certainly worth my sleepy Saturday mornings... 

                  A Baked Piece of Happiness

I bet you all like to pamper yourselves with something delicious. Some of you must be excellent cooks, some just love going to a restaurant with friends. 

I must confess I cannot cook so well. I might be even a brilliant cook but my problem is I do not have such opportunities to create yummy things! I can even give you some "real" excuses: 
1. Due to my short height I cannot reach the oven without a chair; 
2. I'm lucky to have the best chef in the world - my dear mama; 
3. I've never felt like wasting my time with cooking, what's more my mom can't stand the risks involved with my cooking activities! 

However, I do want to try my hand at cooking. If I do, I'll definitely share this new 'joy' with you here. :)

Our dinner usually takes place at around 17.00. My mom and I are great advocates of healthy food. Today is Friday what automatically means a fast day for me and my mom (We're Greek Orthodox and try to keep fast on Wednesdays and Fridays). It means no meat or milk products in everything we eat. 

So, my mama baked some potatoes (despite the fact that our oven is sort of broken! It won't bake properly...). She baked unpeeled potatoes and served them with some oil, salt and pieces of garlic. That's all. Nothing else. No bread, no sauce. But believe me - it was the meal of a king! I enjoyed each piece of this gorgeous dinner. I even didn't use any fork. I ate them simply with my hands. I doubt I'd be able to do it in any restaurant. Maybe I say so because I have never been to any of such places. 


Well, it was not perhaps just crispy potatoes I loved tonight. It was this quiet evening, the sun sinking, my mom's sitting close to me, we both chewing the hot potatoes...Our heater was queitly speaking...  The peace in our kitchen and the smell of the hot baked potatoes made me feel really happy. It could be  it has nothing to do with some sophisticated joys. It is so simple to enjoy food. Maybe I sound like a happy dog now. :D 


I am grateful for this evening, this harmony of our warm kitchen, my mom's gentle hands who care for me every day. I am happy to have my warm place I feel loved. It was so nice to have my plate of hot baked potatoes. I will sound one hundred percent stupid now but I just love when my hands smell like baked potatoes...


The magic of this evening makes me silently happy. It's like a snowflake on my cold palm - I am always afraid of breathing when I catch it, hoping it won't melt for at least two minutes...

                   Happy Birthday, the English language!!!

Have you ever thought about this weird thing that some people can change not just our day but our whole life? One look, even one's silence may have an immense effect on our tomorrow. I guess almost everyone of us has this special person in your life.  Someone who turns a new page of the book of your life...

Today is a big day. Usually people celebrate their own or their friends' birthdays but I'm crazy enough to celebrate the birthday of my English language. Exactly eight years ago a 27-year old  American Peace Corps volunteer changed my life. I still remember that cold foggy October early morning when I first met my first real native speaker friend from the USA.

The day before the arrival of our new English teacher I felt myself super excited. I imagined how I'd say hello to him, how I'd teach him Ukrainian. What I did not imagine in my wildest dreams  was that I would ever speak English myself or make it a part of my life. If someone told me that I'd become a translator in the future, I'd call this person mad. 

This birthday cake was kindly baked for me by my great friend David  Cottrell from the USA! :)


Yeah, I learnt some English at home. My physical challenges did not allow me to attend our village school. However, I somehow felt myself a part of my class I sometimes kept in touch with. I loved diving into books, writing stories and enjoyed my world of dreams. I was somehow afraid of imagining my future, my real tomorrow after finishing my school. I hated to bother myself with such serious thoughts. I  always hoped I'd ever become a student but I really doubted I'd ever make it.

 I didn't know how I could find myself, a girl with hundreds of physical limits, in our 'limited' Ukrainian society. I had real great doubts and fears. One cloudy morning turned my world upside down.


 Now when I look back, I can hardly believe how much my life has changed. No one of us remembers how we were born. We do not remember how it felt like to see the light for the first time. We do not remember how painful it was to breethe in our first portion of oxygen. 

But I am lucky to boast of the fact that I remember the birth of my English. It was also quite painful. But it was also very exciting. When Joel, my dear English teacher and friend from the USA first entered our kitchen I said my first English "hello"...and that's how it started. My sleepless nights, embracing with English dictionaries, enjoying my being "an early bird" to get this amazing opportunity to have breakfast with Joel before he would go to school. I tried to hide how nervous I felt. But soon my awkward feelings turned into fun and a non-stop process of constructing sentences. At first it was composing my 'thoughts' on pieces of paper. Until one day. One spring day when I realized that I could easily speak without any "written scripts"...I felt myself in the seventh heaven. I can't even describe how I really felt. I felt something very special when I first tried to convey Joel's speech into Ukrainian...I felt myself helpful. And for the first time in my life I saw the sense of what I was doing. I felt myself free. Free of any limits. I have got wings. English has become my feet.

I still laugh when I think about the telephone conversation with my former school headmistress Olena Serhiyivna. She asked me "Hey, Dasha! It's time to decide your future. Let me read a list of professions you might be interested in"...and as soon as she read "translator" I said "STOP! I want it! It's where I see myself. Decided"....That's funny because it was the first time I realized what I really wanted from my life. What I really wanted to do. It seemes like I had known it when I first spoke to Joel, but never confessed myself.


I have been breathing, tasting, touching,  dreaming, thinking, smelling, writing and even speaking English for eight years. Sometimes I feel myself stupid, sometimes want to give everything up. BUT what I really don't want is to imagine  my life without the English language...

I am eternally grateful to Joel for changing my life. There is no way I can ever express what Joel really means to me. There is no single day I miss thanking God about Joel. About Joel's kindness to me. About Joel's patience. About his great gift - belief in myself. 

 I adore this power of words I still have to master. I do not know if all my dreams can ever come true, but one of them is real for me now - I help people understand each other. My translated words make people feel and hopefully inspire them to do something good. What could be better? I got my wings. I am free. I am flying. Dictionaries are my fuel. The idioms are my drugs. :D Well, thanks to English I have graduated from the university, obtained my Master's degree, found a job,  and what's the most important - have met many special people who change my life for better every day. I wish I could shout it all over the world "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ENGLISH!" But I'll happily whisper instead "thank you forever"...